Tag: twinsoul

Why protected?

April 7th, 2023
Ahhh it feels so good to be writing again! If I can tell y’all one thing: taking a quiet retreat with God, feeling your feelings and loving yourself through it- it pays off. I feel so much more peaceful, grounded, and clear. God wants us to be happy and content with him- he’s going to make that process very easy and enjoyable, especially if we allow it.

As I shared in Protected, Valentine’s Day brought an unexpected gift. I got a good clear look in the “mirror”.

(Ironically, that morning I broke an antique mirror- I feel like God was showing me that my reflection is changing with all this inner work I’ve been doing -yay!).

There were two things I could have done with this lesson. Try to ignore it, get mad, gaslight, throw a fit, blame, etc OR go inward. I chose the latter. Former me, child me, may have chosen the former but I’ve worked SO FUCKING HARD and come TOO FUCKING FAR to indulge in that ego shit. So, I swallowed the bitter medicine of loving discipline and got to work.

What came out of my retreat was quite a lot actually. ❤️‍🔥

The first lesson is that I was “throwing my pearls before swine”. I wrote about this over the summer so it’s pretty cool, pretty ‘God’, that it would circle back around. That’s how we learn after all… The lesson will continue to present itself until we’ve mastered it.
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(Makes me think of this image from the Church of Union intro to their Sunday services.... This is how we grow... We circle back around and around and around again until we get to the core...which is purification.)
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Now, don’t get me wrong. You all aren’t “swine”. Well… There may be some who float around who might be more swiney than others lol, but I genuinely believe that most people reading have good intentions.

Still, there are certain things that are meant to be kept private. And that’s what Valentine’s Day taught me. 🌹

I was giving myself away. I was giving alllll my good away. I was allowing anyone and everyone full access to all of me. Bad boundaries, Kitty 😬

Not everyone gets it. Not everyone needs to know. Not everyone deserves to know. Not everyone is safe and so therefore not everyone gets a pass onto our island. And, more importantly, there are some things that are SACRED and sweet and special. Meant to be kept between two people.

The past doesn’t really matter but, because I think it might be helpful, here’s what I learned about myself.

My “oops” (oversharing) was the result of a trauma response. I don’t mind talking about my childhood trauma. In fact, I often feel COMPELLED to talk about it. Now that it’s HEALED, that’s right, HEALED 🙌, I have so much more insight into the maladaptive coping skills I learned to survive.

The first skill I learned was silence. This happens to a lot of abused kids. What is the child brain supposed to do with abuse? No one ever sat me down and talked to me about safe touch. No one ever told me what to do if I felt uncomfortable, much less sexually abused. 90s parents were very much “hug your great uncles step cousin because I said so” types. Not at all like us 20s parents who sit with our kids and give them a step by step plan out of every potential uncomfortable situation lol.

I’m not upset anymore that I didn’t get that guidance and protection. MAP has helped me love those parts of me that felt unsafe, exposed, unprepared, and paralyzed. I now know how to use my very safe and loving Divine adult self to hold space for and love little Kitty.
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How MAP and the mirror exercise works ... 
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Silence isn’t necessary anymore because I know I’m safe now. I’m a safe person to talk to, so she now comes to me and talks to me. She trusts that instead of whipping her, I’m going to LOVE her. I’m helping her have her voice.

My abuse was like Ursula, it took my voice. My pattern was like trying to make Eric fall in love with me without having a voice. My healing is like shattering the shell and getting my voice back. My twin flame is like Eric who will energetically (or literally, whatever works) hear my voice and be like “OMG it’s you!!! It’s been you the whole time!!!” ❤️‍🔥

It’s pretty cute that the new Little Mermaid is coming out soon… I love when God winks at me 🥰

Through this process God has helped me get really clear on what I should share and what I shouldn’t. My higher self, my Divine self, which is in direct communion with God, is always guiding me. I just have to listen. Listening is just a choice. I choose to listen. Good news is that Divine Kitty is pretty cool, I like her 🥰

The problem was that somewhere between 20 and 39, I found bits of my voice but because I was still in old trauma patterns I didn’t have my voice or sharing boundaries sorted out yet. 10 years of repressed abuse turned me into an anxious attacher.

This is what’s leaving me, I’ve learned. Like a 3yo throws a tantrum over something silly- they aren’t becoming the tantrum, they are transcending the upset.

Thank you GOD for the twin flame journey. This is why I write. This is why I’m a twin flame advocate now. I’m a believer because not only have I experienced the beautiful sweet deeply loving relationship that exists between twins, I’ve also experienced the massive triggering and upsets. Both are indicators that you’ve met your true twin. There are more and you need them all, along with God’s confirmation in your heart, to know who your twin flame is. If you’re interested, you can learn more about about true twin flame signs in this short video by my coach and her twin 🥰

Your twin flame can’t tolerate being in a relationship with an unhealed, traumatized, triggered version of you- the negative energy is too much to bear between twins because it’s literally multiplied. (Similar to unhealed parents trying to parent a triggered child… Lots of mutual triggering ending in chaos and pain).

True for twins, too.

As they say in AA, two sickies don’t make a wellie 😁

This is why a lot of unhealed twins have toxic experiences. Basically, if you choose the twin flame path, you choose to confront and heal all your hurts, hangups, and upsets. Thankfully this process is VERY simple. Not easy!!!!!!!!! But simple.

So, this awareness propelled me into my cave of fear- which is… being ALONE. Very very alone and powerless. God kept putting blocks in between me and all of my relationships so I could break this pattern of codependency. It was like for a period of time I was pretty much forgotten. It became very clear that God wanted me to just be with him and build a new solid foundation where I FROG 🐸.

Prior to this healing opportunity, the codependent anxious pattern manifested, especially with my twin flame, as neediness, helplessness, despair, flailing, dependency, chasing, obsession, and control.

Did I think I was doing these things? OF COURSE NOT. Lol. I was just operating the way I knew how to operate. During my Dark Night of the Soul, I realized that I learned codependency as a two year old. I had NO IDEA I was so deeply codependent. I’m a therapist! I thought I was goooood lol.

Turns out, your twin flame is designed to help you see all parts of yourself. Every twin flame experiences the same. exact. dynamic. (At this point, not believing twin flames are real is like believing the earth is flat. Lol. ALL the evidence is there. This is SCIENCE, not a theory.) In soul mate relationships most of us can avoid the ‘plank in our eye’ because soul mates aren’t perfect mirrors. Soul mates are created by God for good too, though! SMs are God’s way of gently loving us back to him. TFs are God’s fast track to ascension. You want your TF? Get ready to heal. If not, that’s okay! The system can run just fine on old programs.

This is how God works. And when you make such a huge choice, like choosing Harmonious Union with your twin flame (ultimately, with God), then God is going to help you transcend everything in the way of your divinity.

So, that’s what happened. My mirror soul showed me in the most loving perfect way that I was giving myself away, oversharing, anxiously attaching, and searching for love (validation, support, etc) outside of myself. I was trying to GET love, a pattern I’ve been in allllllll my life. I was doing this by sharing the deepest most intimate things with the world, with well, everyone– whoever would listen. And, a hard lesson I’ve learned over and over, often people just want the drama, the “tea”. They don’t actually care… Like I do.

This look in the mirror revealed that even with years of professional training, expertise, and healing I’ve done through learning and therapy, that at the core, I was still codependent. Of course I was. Our culture breeds codependency. Soul mate relationships ARE (always? not sure yet, I need to talk to God about this) codependent to some extent. I spent a lifetime, all lifetimes! before I found this work, functioning from a codependent place.

The fact that I’ve healed and transcended SO much as quickly as I have is a MIRACLE.

God is real. Love wins.

My healing is proof that God is real and that twin flames are real. There’s no other logical explanation.

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

I read somewhere that the difference between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment is that the anxious attacher will put it all out there hoping someone finds something about them worth loving. The avoidant attacher refuses to put anything out there for fear that if anyone sees anything they’ll risk being unloved or exposed.

Really all attachment trauma is rooted in separation from God and the way to heal it is by completely surrendering to God and allowing Him to love all those parts until your habits and patterns are broken and rebuilt into healthy patterns and habits. God is our perfect parent and in Truth, our only parent. He wants us to attach to him. This process is easy and simple. Ego death is what feels hard- letting go of everything that gets in the way of being fully completely loved by God ❤️ in truth, it doesn’t have to be hard. Choose for it to be easy and surrender to the process. 🥰

The past two months have been… Beautiful. Perfect. Exhausting. And yes, hard. Excruciating at times. Ego fights the hardest right before it dies. The timing was perfect though as I was already in trauma therapy (MAP) so I was able to work through all the “silence” (by not writing, sharing, talking etc) with my practitioner and ascension coach.

This quiet retreat with God not only healed me, it helped me get clear on what to share, who to share it with, and what is just absolutely sacred.

Childhood abuse taught me that I wasn’t sacred. That if my father could exploit me then why shouldn’t “whoever” have access to me. Really what I was searching for was healing. A safe place to put my heart.

This was the underlying intention of some of these blog posts. So, those that are like my diary or love letters or “inside thoughts” are now password protected. Only one person has the password. Only one person has access to those parts of my heart and soul.

And that’s just how it should be.

I didn’t know any better before so I choose to forgive myself for laying myself out there for everyone to see. I choose to believe that Romans 8:28 is true and that God will use my innocent vulnerability for my Good and his glory.

Now that I know different, I’m doing different. Isn’t that what growing up is all about after all?

Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo 🌹
Protected.

April 2nd, 2023

Hey, I’m back.

I needed to take a break and get clear on some things.

I received the best gift on valentines day, a completely unexpected look in the mirror. 🌹

This helped me to reconsider some ways I was thinking about myself and my life… It challenged me to grow in ways that I wasn’t expecting. That’s what a twin flame is first… Your teacher ❤️‍🔥

I started my twin flame ascension journey in October. A significant part of this journey is education through awareness, which is imparted to me by my spiritual teachers, Jeff and Shaleia, and their students in recorded classes called Twin Flame Ascension School (TFAS) through Twin Flames Universe . (Shameless plug- hands down the best investment I’ve EVER made… And I don’t even “talk” to my twin flame!!!!!!!!! 🌹❤️‍🔥🌹). More on this another day 🥰

When I took the leap of faith into this twin flame community I had no idea!!!! it was an ascension journey. I just was DESPERATE to understand our relationship and the unique struggles we were having. NONE of my MFT training, biblical understanding, or life experience made ‘us’ make sense.

I. was. desperate.

In October I didn’t really even know what ascension was other than knowing that Jesus ascended and I think two others in the old testament did too. But the stories I was told were that they were on earth one moment and gone the next.

Growing up in a charismatic church, I was no stranger to the concept of rapture. As a child I can remember having thoughts and questions about rapture and the end times that no one really seemed to know how to answer.

I carried these thoughts and questions into adulthood and anytime I felt remotely comfortable in a religious space I’d poke around and start asking questions. Long story short, I never received satisfying answers. I began to just file rapture and end times under the “lean not on your own understanding” label.

But still… It stuck with me.

It stuck with me so much that 6-8 years ago or so… I thought rapture happened while I was at a women’s retreat! I’m serious!!! I woke up in the middle of the night to what sounded like an orchestra of trumpets!!! I jumped up, looked out the window, expecting to see Jesus rolling out of the clouds… He wasn’t.

I was a kid in the 90s and remember the day our local Christian radio station came on the air- WGRC. And that’s all we listened to. Christian music. So, naturally, there are a few old school songs that have stuck with me… Here’s a fav of mine, I still sing it almost every day!

So the lyrics are “behold he comes, riding on the clouds, shining like the sun, at the trumpets call”

I’m not sure if I got the idea of rapture from this song, from scripture or sermon, or from Kirk Cameron… But it is carved into my consciousness… Jesus is coming when the trumpets sound!!!!

(Funny side note …. I had posted a video of a recording in Spain or somewhere, also about 6-8 years ago, of a weird anomaly where the wind was blowing through this city in such a way that it was causing a loud trumpet sound! The video was sooo cool. I posted it with those Twila lyrics and a friend commented and said “trumpets or Trump-Pence?” 😱😳🤯 Needless to say, Jesus did not come rolling out of the clouds at the Trump-Pence call… But, it’s thought provoking, ay?)

There’s also this really cool scene in The Chosen, season 2 special episode where Mary is giving birth and Joseph looks out the window and the sky!!!!! OMG!!!! It’s glorious. A must watch series and brace yourself for this episode… So good.

I digress. So, I’m at this Christian women’s retreat, at a Mennonite Retreat Center, I mean, it’s just pure and perfect AF, and I wake up to this MASSIVE trumpet sound. I’m not talking about one trumpet. I’m talking like 12 days of Christmas trumpets, at least!!!! 🤣

So, nothing’s going on outside. Just stars and moon. I look over to my prayer warrior, spiritual mentor, for-sure-going-to-heaven friend, Gina… She’s asleep. I make sure her body is there and that she’s breathing because Left Behind got me all anxious worried I could mistake her just clothes for her body.

Okay so, she’s still there… But asleep. And I begin to wonder if I’m losing it. I’m too afraid and ashamed to go out of my room so I just crawl back into bed and pray myself back to sleep.

So next morning, everyone’s still there! Rapture indeed did not happen!

We go to breakfast and I start telling people my story, while laughing of course… I mean… I thought rapture happened. Some are hysterical, some look at me like I’m cray, I’m no stranger to embarrassment.

WELL PTL, one of the sweet Mennonite women heard me and while serving me breakfast said that this happens from time to time and I’m not the only one who’s heard it!

She tells me that it’s something about the way the wind blows through the (indoor) hallway, hits the storage of metal folding chairs, and makes a trumpet sound. Whew. I’m not losing my mind. LOL. Funny story.

So, this brings me back to my weird interest in rapture… The only word and reference I had for ascension.

Rapture was a mostly scary idea to me, even as a 33 year old. I think the Left Behind series messed a lot of us up 😳😬 thanks Kirk 😂

So, I suppose it’s a good thing that I didn’t know the twin flame thing I was getting into was a “rapture” journey because I might have been like ummmm no thanks, I’ll stay here with everyone else lol

So just in case you are like me and don’t know… Rapture and ascension? Not the same thing 🤣

So, now that I’ve been on this incredible journey for 5+ months, I now have a very deep understanding of this work and ascension. I feel like I can speak more confidently about it, about twin flames, and absolutely say with 100% certainty that this is a true spiritual journey into Christ consciousness and spiritual mastery.

I had no idea. But God did. And he heard my desperate cries for help and my heart and mind were/are open enough that he knew he could give me this work and I wouldn’t squander it.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

In February I had just begun my trauma healing through Mind Alignment Process and I was in major upheaval. I talk about upheaval here, but I’ll probably circle back around as I’m now in my 10th week and I have gained such a huge understanding of well… A lot 🥰

It’s 4am and I should probably sleep… But here’s my plan….

There are three points I want to cover, or questions I want to answer, as I make my return-to-blogging debut.

1. What is ascension and what do twin flames have to do with it?

2. What I learned from looking in the mirror. 🪞

3. Why are some of my posts now password protected???

I’m going to write on these things over the next couple days. Until then, thanks for reading and thanks for sticking with me through the long haul 😘 it’s been 163 days since I began this internal journey and I’ve healed my childhood sexual abuse trauma, abandonment/attachment trauma, and I’m clearing codependency, fear, doubt, scarcity, and separation from my vibration.

It’s a freaking miracle. I’ve experienced a miracle.

Thank you God. Thank you Jeff&Shaleia, thank you to my coach and practitioner, and so many thanks to my ascension buddies. I couldn’t do this without this support. GOD IS SO GOOD y’all! And this is why I write. Because I want to give you the gift of love and healing that has been given to me 🥰

I’m becoming a new creation. Just like Jesus promised 🥰❤️‍🔥🥰

Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo. ❤️‍🔥
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Dear younger me.

February 11th, 2023

I don’t think I realized how much heartache, pain, and confusion I have carried in my body. I’ve always been pretty resilient. I’ve never had allergies. I’ve never gotten a rash (other than poison ivy 😬😅) But now my body continues to react to the trauma work I’m doing by breaking out in rashes/hives. It started on my most sensitive and intimate parts… The parts directly affected by the abuse trauma, and now it’s radiating out to my extremities.

It’s like working its way OUT of me.

The meaning I’m making out of this is that my body is working hard to release the “score” that trauma has left in my body because it had no place to go. The rash is proof that it’s working. Amazing.

Our bodies are truly amazing.

My skin is feeling dry and like leathery now that it’s healing. I’m using Curel- a lotion called “ultra healing” which I feel like it’s another message of confirmation. I’m healing. Praise God. 🙌

The new layer of skin has me feeling like a brand new person. Like I shed my old life. I will give a brand new body, a healed body, to my twin flame. This is just so divine and I had no idea this was God’s plan. I’m so grateful. He deserves all of me. The best version of me. ❤️‍🔥

The temporary leathery feeling is a reminder to have good boundaries. To protect my body, to treat it like the temple it is. I feel like God is giving me a second chance. Complete and total healing. It’s a miracle. It’s MAP. ❤️‍🔥

In Ascension School, Jeff and Shaleia teach that we all have a twin flame and the purpose of twin flames is to experience God’s love; heaven on earth. The process of achieving union involves removing all blocks to love. This is also the process of ascension, oneness with God. Because God is love, removing all blocks to love naturally results in oneness with God or Christ consciousness. This is a simple process… But not easy. We all have different blocks. Twin flame couples have the same. exact. blocks. This is one of the ways we can PROVE twin flames are real. Because of these blocks. And, like freaking magic, only one twin needs to heal those blocks. Because we share the same consciousness, as I heal, he heals. I don’t need to talk to him. I don’t need to teach him. I don’t need to mother him, parent him, push him, pressure him. He’s a divine being and will heal with God’s love and presence in his life. Twin flames ALWAYS have a deep deep spiritual life and bond. We activate that growth and desire in each other and then perfectly mirror each other’s spiritual growth and core beliefs. This isn’t a theory. This is literally science. It can be proven by comparing core values and core blocks and also by doing the work and watching twins become magnetized to each other. My ascension coach did the work and magnetized her twin flame and didn’t even know him. It’s seriously amazing. Y’all might think it’s too good to be true but that’s God. God is too good to be true and yet, here we all are.

Because God LOVES US he created us this way, with a divine partner, one human who experiences all of life at the core the same way you do. It will look different on the outside. Just like Jesus’ work on earth looks different than the Holy Spirit’s work. This is how we’re made in God’s image (think about how the trinity works as one). Twin Flames ❤️‍🔥

One of the most telling signs of true twin flames is their core blocks. Every couple has that one big mountain that they think they’ll never get over. I’ve been working hard and fast (sorry twin flame… But also, I know you’re strong and you got this. We got this ❤️‍🔥) so I’ve been moving through years of upsets and contrast like a boss 🙌 but my next (building) block has made itself known… And it’s a biggy. It keeps coming up. Over and over and over and over.

It’s silence.

My twin hasn’t spoken to me since I infiltrated his life in October and dropped the life changing “I’m getting divorced” bomb on his lap. I didn’t understand twin flames back then. At all. So I pushed and chased and was really anxious and really needy. I was confused, hurting, desperate. I was trying to get something from him. And he loved me perfectly by not giving it to me.

In soul mate and karmic relationships this energy is no problem. In fact, lots of people build relationships on this energy of misery, common enemy, shared grief. Using each other to feel better. Not twin flames. They can’t. Is not divine so we can’t align. Instead, we push each other energetically to ascend. To pursue the heart of God. Because it’s only ever actually about God.

That’s how I can “do this”, mom. Because it’s only ever about God.

Twin flames are God’s perfect design for union on this planet. Created from the same soul, they MUST devote their heart, soul, mind, everything to God to be in unity. And God rewards their union with so. much. good. He and I had a taste of that for a few sweet months ten years ago. A few sweet months (and years of friendship and heartache) is what kept me alive during the dark ages (2017-June 2022). It’s what woke me up. It’s what pulled me out of my house in the middle of the night and threw me into my car bare foot and had me drive the 59.7 miles to his house with no explanation other than “Go. Now”.

It’s God. It’s all about God. He called me home to get me to Go Back Home.

I’ve learned that God wants us to be Happy. God cares about what I care about. God is a loving God. A good good Father. And like a good good father, he wants me to have everything I want. My desires have always been good and pure because that is my true soul’s nature. I’m pursuing the heart of God. I’m not going to have a desire outside of His desires.

Sorry church, you’ve messed up. That’s a different post for a different day. But anyone reading should know that 1. God sees you. 2. GOD is in control. 3. God wants to give you the desires of your heart because he is a good God. A God of abundance. Align with LOVE and you’ll understand the heart of God.

The strongest desire of my heart has always been for my twin flame. And then, I met him, and my heart and mind and body exploded into this new version of me. It took me a minute (5,259,600 of them) to understand what happened and why… Now I finally understand.

I will have my harmonious union.

No, it doesn’t look like that on the outside. He may even come here and read this and be like “wtf Kitty, you’re crazy”. I understand now that EVERYTHING he feels and thinks it’s just a mirror for me to see the same thing within myself. And I heal it. For both of us. Just watch. Watch it unfold.

It. Will. Happen. ❤️‍🔥 In fact, because time is an illusion and meaningless in God’s eternity, it’s already happened. It already exists. That’s why I have dreams and visions. Because it’s already here 💗

So, the next step that’s been revealed is my younger me.

She’s been asking to be heard for a long time. I have no idea what she has to say. Or when she’ll be done speaking. I have no idea if this is the big mountain… But I know it’s one of them because silence is quite possibly the most hurtful thing a person could do to me. And all. the. men. in my life have given me years of silence.

And I’ve given myself years of silence, too.

I know how to heal it. I don’t know all the parts, yet. I’m asking God for wisdom and insight. He keeps calling me to write. And also… Vlog. So yeah. An elder millennial vlogging her way through life. More on this another day.

For tonight… I’m snuggling my childhood stuffies- two Care Bears- that have special meaning to me and my twin… Cupcakes and rainbows 💗

I believe it can all be cupcakes and rainbows, joja 💗

And, I’m listening to this song on repeat as I write myself and the world a love letter to myself. As I give her the love she always wanted and never realized she had… Right there… In her heart the whole. time.

Dear younger me
Where do I start
If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far
Then you could be
One step ahead
Of all the painful memories still running thru my head
I wonder how much different things would be

Dear younger me
I cannot decide
Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life
Or do I go deep
And try to change
The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me

Even though I love this crazy life
Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride
Dear younger me,
If I knew then what I know now
Condemnation would’ve had no power
My joy, my pain would’ve never been my worth
If I knew then what I know now
Would’ve not been hard to figure out
What I would’ve changed if I had heard

Dear younger me
It’s not your fault
You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross
Dear younger me
You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed
Every mountain every valley
Thru each heartache you will see
Every moment brings you closer
To who you were meant to be

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.

Adding this song to go with the image I chose to go with this writing… My dear friend sent it to me today because she knows… She knows my heart.

Prism of Love 💖🌈
It wasn’t an affair.

January 24th, 2023

I’ve wanted to say this for A LONG TIME.

Like YEARSSSS.

Something I’m learning on my spiritual journey is that only love is real. Only Unconditional Love exists. So… anything that doesn’t align with that is an illusion. Hurt, pain, sickness, death, fear, anger, judgement, etc etc etc… It’s all an illusion. Of course you can experience the illusion of these things. But this is why some people don’t get sick or don’t have the same fears. Because it’s not real. It’s why LOVE CONQUERS ALL. Because IT IS REAL.

This is why Jesus could heal and walk on water and ascended. Because he tore the veil between truth and lies. Between reality and illusion.

The church I grew up in (not the building but the theology) taught me that God is angry, judging me, and that I’m a deplorable sinner. That I must “carry my cross” and accept the “thorn in my side”. Even recently a pastor said to me that marriage is something we must “burden under”!!!

Wait… What?!?!?!

If God is love and God made me and God is perfect and can only make perfect things (right?!?!) Then I am perfect. I get the whole “fallen world” bit. Jesus paid it all so we wouldn’t have to suffer. So we wouldn’t have to be burdened. That’s the gift!!!! What’s the point of Jesus if we still live burdened or in captivity to our sin??? Did he pay it all or not? Is God perfect or not? Am I made in his image or not? A good God would not “burden” his children with marriage. That’s nonsense.

Jesus paid it all. Grace is free. We’re free. It wasn’t an affair. I was, it IS, LOVE 😘

I want to share a little story about how God’s grace really showed up during this 10-year journey since I met my twin flame.

After my twin flame and I met and ‘happened’ my pastor and therapist called it an affair and demonized us. No one would listen. I didn’t understand so I couldn’t make anyone else understand. I had so much guilt and shame over our connection and our love for each other and how that was expressed in the physical. It was beautiful and horrible. I felt so alive and so terrible. I was so in love and couldn’t have him.

If you’ve been here and have a conscience, you get it. I went on a 3-year journey of trying to understand how and why I found myself in an “affair”… It was SO out of character for me. During that time, God really revealed to me the true meaning of grace, which even though I grew up as a Bible thumping evangelical Christian, I had no idea what grace was until then. I did a lot of healing and God really showed up with so much love for me. Grace became my life source.

Today I was listening to the song Flawless by MercyMe and was reminded of a really sweet gift.

About 8 years ago, I was pregnant with my third child, a girl. During the pregnancy, this song, Flawless, was on the radio A LOT. I love singing it, it’s such a great song 💓

Every time it would get to the lyrics “Let me introduce you to Grace Grace, God’s grace”, I would be overwhelmed with emotion and the baby would start kicking and fluttering about.

I felt like angels were singing over me. 🥰

Fast forward to the day my daughter was born. We didn’t have a name picked out for her. All I knew was that her middle name would be Grace.

She was born on her great-grandfather’s birthday so we chose to name her Anna after his mother, her great great grandmother. About 12 hours after she was born, my mom asked ” What does the name Anna mean?” I didn’t know because we hadn’t considered it for her first name so we looked it up…

Well… It means Grace. 💫

Yeah, her name is Grace Grace! 😂😍💓

The first night we spent together she woke up to nurse and Flawless was playing in my head. At that moment God’s grace and love washed over me. I realized that God knew all along that her name would be “Grace Grace” and that’s why those lyrics filled me with so much emotion!

“Let me introduce you to Grace Grace, God’s grace”.

Back then I thought my daughter was a gift from God as part of my redemption story. It was my “reward” for choosing my marriage and doing everything that I could to heal from my “affair” and rebuild the marriage. I thought God showed me grace by giving me a perfect daughter because I made the “right” choice…

I no longer believe that. I do believe she is a gift of grace, but not because I earned her.

God loves me so he’s going to bless me no matter what. God loves me no matter what. There is no condemnation! There is NO SIN. It’s an ILLUSION.

It wasn’t an affair. We didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t hurt anyone. We didn’t hurt each other. I don’t have the power to hurt someone. We are eternal beings, made in God’s image. We can only experience the illusion of “hurt”. This is why when we THINK differently, we can make that pain go away.

I now KNOW that what happened between me and my twin was NOT an affair. In fact, I believe that I had an affair with my ex-husband! My spiritual teachers teach that having sex with anyone but your twin flame is like having sex with a sibling! Well, this made that whole relationship make sense….. 💀😂😅 I believe this truth is one of the HUGE reasons many couples don’t enjoy or stop enjoying intimacy/sex in relationships/marriage. Because hormones and the high only lasts so long. And your soul KNOWS you’re being intimate with a sibling 🤢

But the passion and romance between twins never fades. It’s why I still have feelings and desires ten years later! (And we didn’t even speak for the last 5 years!)

Twin Flame love is MAGIC ❤️‍🔥

I was married for 4 years when I met my twin (11 years ago). Even though I was already married to someone else, I always felt like I was betraying my twin, betraying us, by being in my marriage and doing married… things. I didn’t understand this because I thought I should have guilt because I was married and feeling desire for someone else. I didn’t have any guilt about my feelings about him until the “church” piled it on.

I never enjoyed doing married things. I’d pull away from touch, from hugs and kisses… I never initiated sex. I was irritable, annoyed, suicidal, in constant pain, lackluster, and just downright miserable. I thought something was wrong. with. me. Nothing I did made it better. And I TRIED.

I now understand that God gave me a living gift of Grace to show me how innocent and worthy of Love I am. I’m worthy of all my Good. I’m worthy of a marriage that is passionate and reciprocal and always growing, never stagnant. The ONLY relationship this is always possible with is your twin flame.

It’s not woowoo. It’s science. It works the same for EVERY twin flame. A method. A process. It’s God. You must have a close, intimate, safe, very personal relationship with God before you can be in Harmony with your twin.

My exhusband and I are smart, kind, committed, selfless, spiritual and loving people!!!!! We tried and tried. We used every resource, every method to heal and grow our relationship. It didn’t work because we’re not twin flames. It was destined to fail. And it did. When we made the decision to end it it fell apart, no problem. No drama.

My daughter is 7 now and the other day she said, unprompted, “I’m okay with you loving (my TF) because I already know him”. She was not even one the last time she saw him.

Her soul knows. My kids love him because HE IS ME!!! No introduction needed. No need to get to know him. If you know me, you already know him. 🥰

Final thoughts…

I don’t know if anyone else has boat loads of religious indoctrination and trauma, but, I want to confidently say that YOU ARE FLAWLESS.

You are perfect 💖

God’s Grace covers all.

And if you and your TF had an affair, I want to say —

IT WASN’T AN AFFAIR!!! 💥

There was always a grander, more beautiful, incredibly loving plan and reason for why he and I happened when we did. God is still revealing this to me, but I absolutely believe now that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn’t an affair. It was love, it IS love, and God is love. I’m free from all guilt, shame, and condemnation!

Because of grace, grace, God’s grace ❤️‍🔥

I’m so thankful for this journey, so thankful for my coach and spiritual teachers, I’m so thankful for my community. I’m finally home ❤️

Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.
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God’s tick gift.

January 12th, 2023

The end of last week was pretty rough. In a matter of a few minutes all this shit came flying at my face. And I had to keep my cool because I had a client coming in like 2 minutes.

You ever experience this? Someone drops some bombs or hurts your feelings or looks at you the wrong way and it infiltrates your mind for the next 25… hours?

I know I’m not alone here.

In case you’re not caught up, I’m on a pretty wild and amazing spiritual journey. Some days I’m feeling GREAT. I’m feeling and giving all the love… I feel light, I’m playing, singing, dancing… Today is one of those days. ❤️‍🔥

Thursday last week was… Not.

I tend to have days like this often enough that I remember that I have days like this. Like where nothing goes my way. Before ascension school I would just blow up or give up… Go to bed. I’d probably manifest a migraine so I’d have an “excuse” to take care of myself and rest. Oy… Not a healthy place to be!

My day would just spiral out of control and I’d be done for before lunch time. I’m not embarrassed to admit this because I know this is a very human experience. Upset after upset after upset. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

When I met my twin flame, we had a fairly long series of amazing days. My marriage may have been… dead… but work…. It was divine. That’s what your twin does to your life when you meet. Everything is perfect. The shared energy is heavenly. Your inner child comes out to play. Everything is beautiful, simple, sweet… Until it’s not. Most people are familiar with a “honeymoon phase” in relationships… The same thing happens to twin flames… But it’s better 😍

Sadly, no one really knows anything about twin flames and how these upsets cause SO MUCH PAIN and distress. And no one teaches us how to deal with upsets! This would have been nice especially for someone like me…who has big feels, gets easily defensive, and a bit self righteous 😬 like how am I supposed to work through all of my upsets!!!!!

I have plenty of “skills”. I’ve done it all. Out of desperation (and exhaustion) I learned how to stuff and tough (lol I just made that up). TBH, none of the skills worked. Prayer with a heavy dose of surrender was probably the most effective. I could stomach letting go but my feelings still hurt.

I’m a recovering hoarder of hurt feelings.

So, because I had no place to go with my hurt feelings, I learned to bitch. Whine. Complain. Vent. Vent to everyone. I got 5 friends on speed dial and with particularly juicy upsets I’d make sure they all heard about it.

This is what I did this past weekend 😬

Last thursday was just a manifestation of my former life. I was out of touch with my body, moving too fast and not taking breaks. In my former life, I lost touch with my Good (God), entered into a 10+ year state of pain and punishment and separation, which resulted in a pretty miserable and bitchy Kitty. I wouldn’t have known or admitted that during those 10 years… But hindsight…

It got so bad over the past couple years that someone called me “vitriolic”. I was seeing narcissists everywhere. “Everyone’s a narcissist”… This is what I realized was my prominent thought in my work and in life and I felt so out of whack!!! My vision was fading and my outlook was bleak. I KNEW in my heart that something was up with me.

As they say, garbage in, garbage out, and misery loves company. I never intended to become an angry complaining gossip machine… But as the sad years passed… That’s what happened. I was almost constantly upset… Pointing fingers at everyone.

Ascension School and Twin Flames Universe have given me the priceless miracle of the mirror exercise which has been helping me heal SO MUCH. But… Because I asked God to give me the fast track, He lovingly pushed me straight outta the nest and I very predictably returned to my natural state of…. flailing. LoL.

The really cool thing is that when we make a choice to be different, to surrender and transcend our childish ways, God will not let us fall back into old patterns easily! PTL!

But, here I was, on my ascension path, bitching. Wahh wahh wahh. And surprise surprise, I felt like shit. I didn’t like where my mind was going, I was full of worry, doubt, anxiety, anger, and vitriol…. The pain in my chest returned, I manifested a stomach ache that night and the next morning… I woke up with this sucker attached to me!

Can I panic yet?

No worries… I’m fine. Prophylactic antibiotics for the win!

What’s important here is the spiritual lesson. I shared these events with my ascension group (I also shared an outburst and some pretty massive upheaval 😬😅), and asked if they had any insight into the significance of the tick.

Because dear reader, there are NO coincidences. And like who gets a tick in January….?….

Well… One said, “the gut feeling I have is that something is sucking your life source”.

Oh, I could blame everyone else. But the truth is…. It was me. I was sucking my life source.

I already had a little insight into this but, God is good and he really loves me and wants me to not miss a very important lesson….

The lesson is…

STOP IT.

Stop venting Kitty. Just stop. Stop calling up or getting together with all your friends and wahh wahh wahh.

Venting is fine, good, even necessary. We MUST feel our feelings, all of them. Stuffing them is not the answer. Vomiting them all over everyone is not the answer either.

As I grow spiritually, my choices, my behavior, my mind is becoming purified. Can you even imagine Jesus sitting around bitching about this thing, that person, blah blah? No!!!

The goal is purification.

The goal is perfection.

Not the kind of perfection that feels controlling. But the kind of perfection that is inspired through God’s goodness and strength. The kind of perfection that sets me free from the behaviors that have sucked out my life source. This kind of perfection is not forced. It’s the natural result of alignment. Of Christ consciousness.

I don’t need to engage in old behaviors. I have new skills, a higher vibration that can not tolerate endless venting and no peace. I was sucking the peace and love out of me by running my mouth. 🤐

Tonight while meditating I got a horrific image of a car hitting Anna. Using the ME, I realized that I’m afraid of taking myself out. Of smashing into myself and blasting me off my path. My healing process revealed that 1) that’s not possible if I’m choosing to keep going. God won’t allow anything to side swipe me. The only way I’ll fail is if I CHOOSE to give up. And 2) if I try to move too fast I won’t notice the signs that I’m out of alignment. Meaning, if I jump from person to person, house to house and vent about the same thing, the busyness will keep me from being able to feel my body saying “SLOW DOWN and FEEL your FEELINGS”. I’ve been running running running for most of my life. The only time I ever allowed myself to be present with my body and feel my feelings was when I gave birth to my three babies and all the sweet slow moments with my beautiful twin flame 🔥

So, now, instead of running in circles, I choose to remember who the fuck I am and stay in my Good. No one has the power to tear me down unless I give it to them. No more. I’m done with that shit. I deserve peace. I deserve my Good. I’m done with my childish ways.

Today I choose to receive the gift of the tick. The blood sucking reminder to “beat the drum” of love, not upset.

Because this is how the law of attraction works. Do I want love? Yes. Am I going to get it by venting, bitching, whining, complaining??? No.

Moral of the story…

What I put out, I get back.

Thank you God for being OBVIOUS ❤️‍🔥

Abe can teach you more about how “beating the drum” works here ❤️‍🔥

“The longer you hold yourself in vibrational discord with who you really are, the more vivid the discord becomes”. Translation… Kitty was so out of alignment with WHO she TRULY is that a blood sucking TICK had to tell her that! 😅

Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.
Twin Flames 101

January 9th, 2023

Busy rewriting my story with God but can’t leave y’all hanging!!! Everything you need to know about twin flames you’ll find in this teaching…

Twin Flames 101

I’m not getting paid to say this. The only good that comes to me is knowing that I’m sharing the Truth and that you, dear reader, are reading it. This work has changed my life. I’m healing pain and trauma in days that I’ve spent YEARS in therapy for (and I’m a therapist!!! If I was lying I’d be advocating to put myself out of business lol) I believe in this work and in this process ❤️‍🔥 it’s so Divine. It’s so Good.

And you deserve your Good.

Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.
New Year, New Life.

January 1st, 2023

I planned to write an nye post and decided to have fun instead and now I’m realizing how actually perfect this decision was! I was going to say goodbye to a bunch of things I choose to leave in 2022… But… That actually feels like holding on. And I choose to LET GO!!!

So, Happy New Year! For the first time EVER I’m excited about the new year. I’m dreaming, throwing all kinds of good things into my vortex (see video), and manifesting so much abundance for the rest of my eternal existence!!!

What is the vortex??!

So here’s a quick rundown (what’s a rundown??) of the rest of my life.

1. All the twin flame things. I’m all in. ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 Twin Flames are REAL and I am one… And… So are you!

2. Ascension. I am loving this journey into harmonious union with God. I’m removing all blocks to Love and filling that space with Christ consciousness. Oneness. Peace. Joy. Unconditional Love.

3. Abundance. God is a God of plenty. I’m claiming my good, flowing with the divine flow. Make it rain 💸

4. Life purpose. I have a dream and I’m making it come true. Family recreation and recovery center ❤️‍🔥

5. Harmonious Union.

Funny… I got married when I was 23… 2023 seems like a good year to get married ❤️‍🔥 #vortex

So… Kitty…. What the heck are twin flames and when did you start believing in all this weird spiritual woowoo stuff???

Well lemme tell ya something.

I believe and I’m all in because it makes sense. It’s scientific, it’s deeply spiritual, and the work is working. It’s literally the only thing that makes my heart and mind and life feel at home, at peace. This wisdom and truth is my divine path to God, to wholeness, to Love. How could I say no?

I’ve been working on my twin flame post but I found this writing and it’s just so perfect and helpful. I didn’t write it (author credit below)

“You’ve met someone that you believe is your twin soul and it feels like your whole world’s changed. You feel this incredible love and desire to be with them which is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. It feels like you’ve known them all your life, even if you’ve just met and you can’t stop thinking about them. You feel a pull and a bond that goes beyond any logical explanation. Yet you’re not together. You desperately want to manifest your twin soul relationship and be able to share your life with them and yet it’s just not happening. It may be that the other person is married or in a relationship with someone else or denies that there’s anything special between you. Or maybe you’ve started a relationship together, expressed undying love for one another and then suddenly the other person doesn’t want anything more to do with you and vanishes over the horizon. You try your best to forget them, move on but despite your best efforts you think about them everyday and just know that the connection you felt is still there. Perhaps you feel like you’re going crazy and must be imagining it all.

You begin to wonder whether this really is a twin soul relationship and doubt that it’s possible to manifest it. You may have been told to forget it. You wish you could, it all seems hopeless and you feel confused and bewildered.

The good news is that a twin soul relationship is meant to work and it’s meant to work in this lifetime. Why would you meet someone that you feel this much love for, feel this amazing bond, only to be kept separated from one another and destined to spend your life apart? You are meant to be together and the relationship is meant to work. However, the only way to manifest your twin soul relationship is to understand what it’s about and what is needed to make it work. It is a spiritual relationship and so doesn’t follow the normal “rules” of love, dating or marriage. If you try to pursue the relationship without your soul then you’re likely to feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall.

No matter how much you may try to make it work, if you ignore the spiritual aspect of this relationship and go chasing after the other person then you’ll probably encounter resistance, denial, difficulties and setbacks. The only way to successfully manifest your twin soul relationship is to get to know your soul, your inner self and develop this relationship on a spiritual level. This person that you’ve met is the physical expression of the other half of your soul. Meeting them signals getting to know who you truly are. Twin souls or twin flames are the embodiment of pure unconditional love. So you need to let go of anything that isn’t part of that. It means letting go of thoughts, beliefs, behaviours that come from ego and don’t reflect who you truly are. As you gain understanding about yourself and begin to change you will notice that your twin soul does also. You are one soul in two bodies and what affects one affects the other. You act as mirrors with each other so as you begin working on yourself you will see that reflected back at you and at that point you will then be able to have and enjoy this special relationship that your heart has been yearning for.”

By: thelovealchemist Author/Source

For most twin flames, it is not easy to describe the hidden door of desire, especially when it comes down to twin flame love, because it isn’t felt from a 3D level.

When you love from a 3D level, you are very much loving someone from a condition, and you are asking them to love you back ALSO from a condition. This is much like a marriage contract, based on a binding legal stipulation, instead of allowing love to flow naturally.

And in a way, you can say that is an essential difference between being in a regular 3D space and being with your twin flame in a 5D spiritual flow.

Except from twinflames.infinity

That pretty much sums it up. Some art so you know how I feel about this in my heart…. The desire is intense. But also so pure and beautiful. If you don’t know, you don’t know.

Well… Now you kinda know ❤️‍🔥

Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.