Tag: twinflamesuniverse
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The end of last week was pretty rough. In a matter of a few minutes all this shit came flying at my face. And I had to keep my cool because I had a client coming in like 2 minutes.
You ever experience this? Someone drops some bombs or hurts your feelings or looks at you the wrong way and it infiltrates your mind for the next 25… hours?
I know I’m not alone here.
In case you’re not caught up, I’m on a pretty wild and amazing spiritual journey. Some days I’m feeling GREAT. I’m feeling and giving all the love… I feel light, I’m playing, singing, dancing… Today is one of those days. ❤️🔥
Thursday last week was… Not.
I tend to have days like this often enough that I remember that I have days like this. Like where nothing goes my way. Before ascension school I would just blow up or give up… Go to bed. I’d probably manifest a migraine so I’d have an “excuse” to take care of myself and rest. Oy… Not a healthy place to be!
My day would just spiral out of control and I’d be done for before lunch time. I’m not embarrassed to admit this because I know this is a very human experience. Upset after upset after upset. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
When I met my twin flame, we had a fairly long series of amazing days. My marriage may have been… dead… but work…. It was divine. That’s what your twin does to your life when you meet. Everything is perfect. The shared energy is heavenly. Your inner child comes out to play. Everything is beautiful, simple, sweet… Until it’s not. Most people are familiar with a “honeymoon phase” in relationships… The same thing happens to twin flames… But it’s better 😍
Sadly, no one really knows anything about twin flames and how these upsets cause SO MUCH PAIN and distress. And no one teaches us how to deal with upsets! This would have been nice especially for someone like me…who has big feels, gets easily defensive, and a bit self righteous 😬 like how am I supposed to work through all of my upsets!!!!!
I have plenty of “skills”. I’ve done it all. Out of desperation (and exhaustion) I learned how to stuff and tough (lol I just made that up). TBH, none of the skills worked. Prayer with a heavy dose of surrender was probably the most effective. I could stomach letting go but my feelings still hurt.
I’m a recovering hoarder of hurt feelings.
So, because I had no place to go with my hurt feelings, I learned to bitch. Whine. Complain. Vent. Vent to everyone. I got 5 friends on speed dial and with particularly juicy upsets I’d make sure they all heard about it.
This is what I did this past weekend 😬
Last thursday was just a manifestation of my former life. I was out of touch with my body, moving too fast and not taking breaks. In my former life, I lost touch with my Good (God), entered into a 10+ year state of pain and punishment and separation, which resulted in a pretty miserable and bitchy Kitty. I wouldn’t have known or admitted that during those 10 years… But hindsight…
It got so bad over the past couple years that someone called me “vitriolic”. I was seeing narcissists everywhere. “Everyone’s a narcissist”… This is what I realized was my prominent thought in my work and in life and I felt so out of whack!!! My vision was fading and my outlook was bleak. I KNEW in my heart that something was up with me.
As they say, garbage in, garbage out, and misery loves company. I never intended to become an angry complaining gossip machine… But as the sad years passed… That’s what happened. I was almost constantly upset… Pointing fingers at everyone.
Ascension School and Twin Flames Universe have given me the priceless miracle of the mirror exercise which has been helping me heal SO MUCH. But… Because I asked God to give me the fast track, He lovingly pushed me straight outta the nest and I very predictably returned to my natural state of…. flailing. LoL.
The really cool thing is that when we make a choice to be different, to surrender and transcend our childish ways, God will not let us fall back into old patterns easily! PTL!
But, here I was, on my ascension path, bitching. Wahh wahh wahh. And surprise surprise, I felt like shit. I didn’t like where my mind was going, I was full of worry, doubt, anxiety, anger, and vitriol…. The pain in my chest returned, I manifested a stomach ache that night and the next morning… I woke up with this sucker attached to me!
Can I panic yet?
No worries… I’m fine. Prophylactic antibiotics for the win!
What’s important here is the spiritual lesson. I shared these events with my ascension group (I also shared an outburst and some pretty massive upheaval 😬😅), and asked if they had any insight into the significance of the tick.
Because dear reader, there are NO coincidences. And like who gets a tick in January….?….
Well… One said, “the gut feeling I have is that something is sucking your life source”.
Oh, I could blame everyone else. But the truth is…. It was me. I was sucking my life source.
I already had a little insight into this but, God is good and he really loves me and wants me to not miss a very important lesson….
The lesson is…
STOP IT.
Stop venting Kitty. Just stop. Stop calling up or getting together with all your friends and wahh wahh wahh.
Venting is fine, good, even necessary. We MUST feel our feelings, all of them. Stuffing them is not the answer. Vomiting them all over everyone is not the answer either.
As I grow spiritually, my choices, my behavior, my mind is becoming purified. Can you even imagine Jesus sitting around bitching about this thing, that person, blah blah? No!!!
The goal is purification.
The goal is perfection.
Not the kind of perfection that feels controlling. But the kind of perfection that is inspired through God’s goodness and strength. The kind of perfection that sets me free from the behaviors that have sucked out my life source. This kind of perfection is not forced. It’s the natural result of alignment. Of Christ consciousness.
I don’t need to engage in old behaviors. I have new skills, a higher vibration that can not tolerate endless venting and no peace. I was sucking the peace and love out of me by running my mouth. 🤐
Tonight while meditating I got a horrific image of a car hitting Anna. Using the ME, I realized that I’m afraid of taking myself out. Of smashing into myself and blasting me off my path. My healing process revealed that 1) that’s not possible if I’m choosing to keep going. God won’t allow anything to side swipe me. The only way I’ll fail is if I CHOOSE to give up. And 2) if I try to move too fast I won’t notice the signs that I’m out of alignment. Meaning, if I jump from person to person, house to house and vent about the same thing, the busyness will keep me from being able to feel my body saying “SLOW DOWN and FEEL your FEELINGS”. I’ve been running running running for most of my life. The only time I ever allowed myself to be present with my body and feel my feelings was when I gave birth to my three babies and all the sweet slow moments with my beautiful twin flame 🔥
So, now, instead of running in circles, I choose to remember who the fuck I am and stay in my Good. No one has the power to tear me down unless I give it to them. No more. I’m done with that shit. I deserve peace. I deserve my Good. I’m done with my childish ways.
Today I choose to receive the gift of the tick. The blood sucking reminder to “beat the drum” of love, not upset.
Because this is how the law of attraction works. Do I want love? Yes. Am I going to get it by venting, bitching, whining, complaining??? No.
Moral of the story…
What I put out, I get back.
Thank you God for being OBVIOUS ❤️🔥
Abe can teach you more about how “beating the drum” works here ❤️🔥
“The longer you hold yourself in vibrational discord with who you really are, the more vivid the discord becomes”. Translation… Kitty was so out of alignment with WHO she TRULY is that a blood sucking TICK had to tell her that! 😅
Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.
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Busy rewriting my story with God but can’t leave y’all hanging!!! Everything you need to know about twin flames you’ll find in this teaching…
I’m not getting paid to say this. The only good that comes to me is knowing that I’m sharing the Truth and that you, dear reader, are reading it. This work has changed my life. I’m healing pain and trauma in days that I’ve spent YEARS in therapy for (and I’m a therapist!!! If I was lying I’d be advocating to put myself out of business lol) I believe in this work and in this process ❤️🔥 it’s so Divine. It’s so Good.
And you deserve your Good.
Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.
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As I wake up and shake off the dust, I’m finding myself again. I’m remembering who I am.
I’m finding my light.
I’ve written a lot about why I am the way I am, or, the way I was. Or, who I’m unbecoming. I do this because I never did. Write about it, that is. Or talk about it for that matter.
One of my core upsets is feeling misunderstood or unheard.
Silence has tortured me so much of my life. You want to punish me? Just stop talking to me. Pretend like I don’t exist. Anyone else feel this?
Ironically, God gave me an exhusband who stonewalled me for the majority of 15 years, a father who didn’t talk to me for ten years, family that never asks meaningful questions or listens deeply, friends who thought I was fine when I definitely wasn’t fine, a friend of 30 years who didn’t speak to me for the last two, and a Love, my twin…who didn’t speak to me for five long horrible years.
That’s a LOT of fucking silence.
(And Contrast… (Another blog post coming soon…))
Thanks to the mirror exercise, I now understand why everyone is silent. I now understand why I’ve suffered SO MUCH.
Because…. for most of my life… I didn’t listen to myself. I didn’t hear myself. I didn’t talk to myself. I didn’t understand myself.
I didn’t listen to myself when my insides screamed “run away!” and I laid there, paralyzed. I didn’t listen to myself when my soul wanted to end my marriage ten years ago but I chose to listen to everyone else, my mind, my fear, my ego instead. I didn’t listen to myself…the part of me who was SO IN LOVE with another man…I didn’t listen to her. I silenced her. I denied her. I tried to forget her. I tried to kill her in my mind. I tried to kill my soul.
I didn’t understand myself when I was a silenced kid carrying the weight of the world and didn’t know what to do with it or understand why. Why. Why. I didn’t hear myself crying out for help after every flashback and every nightmare. I didn’t understand myself and why I wanted to die…I didn’t listen to myself. I kept misunderstanding myself. I kept running from myself. I stonewalled myself.
So OF COURSE I would attract more and more situations and people who would keep misunderstanding me. OF COURSE I would keep trying to get people OUTSIDE of me to listen to me… But FAIL and FLAIL because I wasn’t listening to MYSELF.
This feeling of being misunderstood grew and grew especially over the past 5 years or so. God is good and I finally understand why. Because I continued to bury my heart, my truth, my self deeper and deeper. Every day for five years I denied her. I shut her up and I shut her down.
But, she still cried out, “See me, hear me!!!”.
But I buried myself alive.
I could blame everyone else. I want to. I have. You’ve read it. I’ve tried. But no one has shown up on my doorstep and apologized. Even if they did, I’m not even sure it would heal me at the depths of which I feel that pain.
So I write. Because I can. Because I know I’m not the only one. And because I NEED to.
I have 39 years of jumbled up thoughts and pain. Ten years of completely denying myself. A lifetime of completely denying myself of good, of Love.
It’s all coming out now. At first, it wasn’t pretty. I was full of anxiety and panic and desperation. Imagine being buried alive and then one day God takes a shovel and breaks the ground and says “wake up! Come out!”
Writing this now makes me realize that I had my Lazarus moment…. “Lazarus! Come forth!”
“Keturah! Wake up!!!!”
So there she is, my soul, buried six feet under. For the first time in ten years she’s seeing day light again.
My rescue felt like clawing my way out from six feet of packed in dirt. Like tens of thousands of feet had walked on me. It wasn’t pretty. He said I was flailing. Well….I think you might flail too if you realized you were buried alive.
So, I write. I write because I never spoke. Did I say words? Of course I did. Anyone who knows me knows that I have the tendency to be verbose. Especially when I’m anxious. Or when I’m flailing. Or when I’m trying to just survive.
My life is interesting in that the very thing that sets me free is the very thing that hurt me.
My dad is a writer. And an artist. He’s very talented, one of those starving artist and tortured types… Alone, poor, full of dreams but little manifestation. I refused to let that be me. So in my dead days (buried alive) I lost all interest in creating. I didn’t paint. I didn’t draw. I lost my spark. I became lackluster. I never wrote ever, so this is a new creative endeavor for me. And this is why…
All I remember of my dad from my childhood are his aspirations to be an author. He wrote prolifically. He drew pictures to accompany his writing. He was devoted, I’ll give him that. But if you read my earlier posts, you’ll remember that my dad was less than kind to me. And often, that abuse involved his writing.
And because of that, I refuse to become my dad. I refused to write.
The problem is, if I don’t create, I still become him… Full of dreams and no manifestation.
So, when I woke up, I chose to heal it instead continuing to be a victim to it. I healed it by just choosing to do it. For me. To become ME. I don’t expect anyone to read this. I don’t care if anyone reads it. I love hearing from people who do read it! But, because I felt forced to stay silent, and then forced myself to stay silent, my noise is now SO LOUD. My healing victory is claiming this for myself and trusting that God will put it in the path of those who need to read it.
When I decided to start a blog, I was terrified. I knew I had a secret and I knew I was supposed to tell it. Torn between doing what’s best for me and what everyone else wants, I was brought to my knees. God said to my soul… They need to hear it. They will read it.
Who is they? I’m still finding out. People come out.of.the.woods. to tell me how much this resonates. How they read me telling their story. Good. I’m glad ❤️. Thankfully, I don’t need validation anymore. I don’t need anyone to tell me I’m good or that I’m okay or that I’m making good decisions. I just CHOOSE to believe the God in me who says, “you’re perfect. It’s perfect. Your heart is beautiful. Shine your light baby girl. Say what you need to say”. So, if you’re reading and it helps you, Thank God. Because he told me to. I just listened. Thankfully, it helps me too ❤️🔥
So I guess I’m a writer. This is part of who I am now. This is how I choose to heal. And I’ll keep healing. I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep digging up the dirt, keep digging out of my grave, until I find all my light, all my good, and all my treasure. ❤️🔥
Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.
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I planned to write an nye post and decided to have fun instead and now I’m realizing how actually perfect this decision was! I was going to say goodbye to a bunch of things I choose to leave in 2022… But… That actually feels like holding on. And I choose to LET GO!!!
So, Happy New Year! For the first time EVER I’m excited about the new year. I’m dreaming, throwing all kinds of good things into my vortex (see video), and manifesting so much abundance for the rest of my eternal existence!!!
So here’s a quick rundown (what’s a rundown??) of the rest of my life.
1. All the twin flame things. I’m all in. ❤️🔥❤️🔥 Twin Flames are REAL and I am one… And… So are you!
2. Ascension. I am loving this journey into harmonious union with God. I’m removing all blocks to Love and filling that space with Christ consciousness. Oneness. Peace. Joy. Unconditional Love.
3. Abundance. God is a God of plenty. I’m claiming my good, flowing with the divine flow. Make it rain 💸
4. Life purpose. I have a dream and I’m making it come true. Family recreation and recovery center ❤️🔥
5. Harmonious Union.
Funny… I got married when I was 23… 2023 seems like a good year to get married ❤️🔥 #vortex
So… Kitty…. What the heck are twin flames and when did you start believing in all this weird spiritual woowoo stuff???
Well lemme tell ya something.
I believe and I’m all in because it makes sense. It’s scientific, it’s deeply spiritual, and the work is working. It’s literally the only thing that makes my heart and mind and life feel at home, at peace. This wisdom and truth is my divine path to God, to wholeness, to Love. How could I say no?
I’ve been working on my twin flame post but I found this writing and it’s just so perfect and helpful. I didn’t write it (author credit below)
“You’ve met someone that you believe is your twin soul and it feels like your whole world’s changed. You feel this incredible love and desire to be with them which is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. It feels like you’ve known them all your life, even if you’ve just met and you can’t stop thinking about them. You feel a pull and a bond that goes beyond any logical explanation. Yet you’re not together. You desperately want to manifest your twin soul relationship and be able to share your life with them and yet it’s just not happening. It may be that the other person is married or in a relationship with someone else or denies that there’s anything special between you. Or maybe you’ve started a relationship together, expressed undying love for one another and then suddenly the other person doesn’t want anything more to do with you and vanishes over the horizon. You try your best to forget them, move on but despite your best efforts you think about them everyday and just know that the connection you felt is still there. Perhaps you feel like you’re going crazy and must be imagining it all.
You begin to wonder whether this really is a twin soul relationship and doubt that it’s possible to manifest it. You may have been told to forget it. You wish you could, it all seems hopeless and you feel confused and bewildered.
The good news is that a twin soul relationship is meant to work and it’s meant to work in this lifetime. Why would you meet someone that you feel this much love for, feel this amazing bond, only to be kept separated from one another and destined to spend your life apart? You are meant to be together and the relationship is meant to work. However, the only way to manifest your twin soul relationship is to understand what it’s about and what is needed to make it work. It is a spiritual relationship and so doesn’t follow the normal “rules” of love, dating or marriage. If you try to pursue the relationship without your soul then you’re likely to feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall.
No matter how much you may try to make it work, if you ignore the spiritual aspect of this relationship and go chasing after the other person then you’ll probably encounter resistance, denial, difficulties and setbacks. The only way to successfully manifest your twin soul relationship is to get to know your soul, your inner self and develop this relationship on a spiritual level. This person that you’ve met is the physical expression of the other half of your soul. Meeting them signals getting to know who you truly are. Twin souls or twin flames are the embodiment of pure unconditional love. So you need to let go of anything that isn’t part of that. It means letting go of thoughts, beliefs, behaviours that come from ego and don’t reflect who you truly are. As you gain understanding about yourself and begin to change you will notice that your twin soul does also. You are one soul in two bodies and what affects one affects the other. You act as mirrors with each other so as you begin working on yourself you will see that reflected back at you and at that point you will then be able to have and enjoy this special relationship that your heart has been yearning for.”
By: thelovealchemist Author/Source
For most twin flames, it is not easy to describe the hidden door of desire, especially when it comes down to twin flame love, because it isn’t felt from a 3D level.
When you love from a 3D level, you are very much loving someone from a condition, and you are asking them to love you back ALSO from a condition. This is much like a marriage contract, based on a binding legal stipulation, instead of allowing love to flow naturally.
And in a way, you can say that is an essential difference between being in a regular 3D space and being with your twin flame in a 5D spiritual flow.Except from twinflames.infinity
That pretty much sums it up. Some art so you know how I feel about this in my heart…. The desire is intense. But also so pure and beautiful. If you don’t know, you don’t know.
Well… Now you kinda know ❤️🔥
Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.
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I’ve been working hard at pulling together my thoughts and feelings about my twin flame journey. It’s a beautiful and tedious process; one that I want to be sure I articulate and represent well. So, here’s a little taste. My ascension school put together 77 art pieces that illustrate divine love. Enjoy!!!
My most recent piece inspired by the mirror exercise 💕
And a few of my favorites I’ve found along the way ❤️🔥😍🥰
Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.
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It’s Christmas day.
I love Christmas. I mean, everyone does, right? But I really really love Christmas. I love everything about Christmas… I love how right around Thanksgiving the energy changes. People are brighter, friendlier, and more generous with acts of kindness and gentleness. There is definitely something magical about Christmas time.
I am a happy and friendly person; I notice people around me and enjoy being kind and warm to people all year long. As the years pass, it seems like simple gestures like holding the door or saying good morning make people a little softer, if just for a moment. The world needs more of that.
Admittedly, sometimes I feel the weight of being “nice”. I’ve even said and thought and felt like I’m the “only” nice person around sometimes. Especially in the hustle and bustle of life. Most people seem to be increasingly oblivious to others. Covid also seems to have worn on a lot of people… myself included…and as I grew weary, it got harder to be naturally nice.
But Christmas. This year more than any other year I felt the magic in the air. A pure sense of hopefulness and joy. Did anyone else feel it this year more than others? I’m not sure if it’s a collective experience thing or if it’s because of the journey I’m on. I guess it doesn’t really matter ‘why’.
The past three days before Christmas I kept getting injured. Someone rammed into the back of my left leg with a shopping cart, I fell down the steps and landed on both my arms and hurt my hip, and then yesterday I smashed my fingers in a tray table while trying to put it away. Smashing my fingers left me in hysterical tears. I was curled up in a ball, bawling.
Why was I crying so much?
In case you didn’t already know, Bryce and I have decided to end our marriage. You can read about it here, if you’re interested. While choosing to end our marriage is the best choice, it comes with its fair share of complications and upsets. I’m not upset about the end of our marriage — I grieved the end for a very very very long time. I feel relieved and like I can finally breathe. I didn’t realize how much I had been holding my breath. How uncomfortable my body was all the time. I’m feeling so much better these days.
But as I bawled on the floor I realized that the natural consequences of divorce that are coming had me worried and concerned, more than I realized.
Preparing for Christmas as coparents had my worrying about our kids and how they will feel and handle the transition of living with both parents under one roof, to living with us under separate roofs. Currently, they are handling the idea of it well, and I believe their okayness is genuine. We’ve done a good job creating a loving home and solid foundation. Also, the split is amicable; neither of us are having a difficult time. Inevitably though, emotions will arise as significant changes occur in the new year. The divorce will bring big changes for us all and I’ve been worrying about them and others… I think I kinda forgot to worry about me. Also, guilt tends to get the best of me before I can feel deeper feelings like grief.
Liam so lovingly reassured me that they all are okay and will be okay. I receive his reassurance and reassure myself – I know I won’t do anything to hurt them; I know I will take every step carefully because that’s who I am. I love my kids and I care deeply for their hearts and our relationship. I choose Love and Love doesn’t hurt.
But I had a moment. A good cry. Lots of fears and guilt to work through. In my excitement of figuring out my problem, the reason I’ve been miserable and depressed and even suicidal for the past ten years, I think I ignored the hard parts of this transition. Physical pain sure has a way of bringing feelings to the surface if you let it. Of course I will because I want to heal. I don’t want to be stuck and mostly dead anymore! I really think I kept getting hurt because God was trying to get my attention. I’ve been asking him to help me become aware of my emotions, my blocks to love so I can heal. For whatever reason I needed physical pain to get my attention.
I’m grateful I had that moment, to get it all out and feel my feelings. Laying on the playroom floor with my kids cuddled on top of me- it was a gift I received and I also gave to myself. I’m proud of my growth. The old me would have been less than kind to myself and it probably would have ruined my day. Instead, I worked through it, healed my big feelings in the core of my heart, and moved on ❤️ I’m proud of me!
So, today, after finally resting last night, I fully immersed myself in Christmas morning with my kids. It was especially delightful watching Anna in full magic of Christmas mode as a seven year old. It was just absolutely perfect.
I stood back and took it all in and as I did, and likely because I created lots of space for good feelings (by releasing my heavy sad feelings the day before), I realized something…
For the first time in ten years or longer, I was actually genuinely happy on Christmas morning.
I’m a conditioned nice and happy person. Is it my personality? Or a learned behavior? Or both? I like being nice, friendly, accommodating. Giving of myself this way often brings me joy so it doesn’t usually come at a cost. But over the years being the nice one, the one who sees everyone and everything and is constantly trying to improve the emotional and aesthetic environment so everyone feels seen and comfortable, and the one who’s also feeling controlled constantly, being nice, even to strangers began to wear me out.
This spiritual journey I’m on is teaching me that it’s better to be genuine than to act. Yes, because acting is fake and dishonest. But more importantly, because acting represses emotions. And repressed emotions create negative energy. And negative energy is a life suck.
‘Repressed emotions’ is one of the many reasons I choose to end my marriage. But, removing only one repressor from my psyche doesn’t actually solve the problem.
I’m using an amazing skill to help me work through my big emotions. I learned it from Jeff and Shaleia, my spiritual teachers and the founders of Twin Flames Universe. You can learn the skill by watching this YouTube video…I promise it will change your life:
So, I mirrored a BUNCH of emotions that came up yesterday and finally fell asleep at 4am.
At 830 this am I stood back and had a wave of beautiful emotion come over me. And realized…
I’m actually really happy.
For the past ten years I’ve been hiding and denying a huge part of myself. I unknowingly, and with the best intentions, repressed big big feelings. Every Christmas Eve I’d grow frustrated, annoyed, exasperated. In every Christmas card I wrote to Bryce I would apologize for being such a bugger… I always spent the holiday frustrated and irritable. But I didn’t know why I was frustrated and irritable. I figured it was stress. But I LOVE Christmas. I love wrapping presents and watching Christmas movies and singing carols and playing games and smiling! Smiling’s my favorite. I love love love celebrating the birth of Jesus. Everything about Christmas is so precious. But I struggled to embrace it.
Today I finally got clarity into why I was actually able to be genuinely happy. I was genuinely able to enjoy all the little moments.
And here’s why…
Because I’m finally allowed to feel my feelings.
Imagine being in love with someone and being forced and feeling forced to deny it every day. Imagine believing that your feelings are DECEPTIVE and WRONG. That’s what the past ten years have been for me. And because I love this holiday, because it’s romantic and full of joy, the building pressure between wanting to enjoy it to it’s fullness and having to repress my genuine emotions grew and grew and led to an ungraceful unraveling every Christmas Eve and morning. Which led to a guilt ridden and repentant wife. This pattern was on repeat for years and I couldn’t figure out why.
I’m allowed to experience and consciously hold all this love I have in my heart for my person.
Now I understand.
So this Christmas, because I’ve been feeling my feelings- the “good”, “bad”, and “ugly”- I have genuinely been able to be NICE. (I put these words in quotes because I don’t believe feelings should be judged as being good or bad… And certainly not deceptive!!! I used them because I know readers understand what I mean by using these words). Who knew repressing GOOD emotions, like LOVE, could have such a detrimental effect.
Today and everyday now I allow myself to feel the Love I have in my heart for the only man I ever truly Loved. And because of this, I was actually able to enjoy my kids. I genuinely laughed and played and soaked it all up.
Everyone says “you’re going to miss this” and “enjoy them when they’re little” and I hear you!!!! I believe this to be true and I want to heed this cautionary tale. But I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t just absorb them. Because there was no space inside of me for anything but what I couldn’t set free. Love, guilt, condemnation, more guilt, and so much grief.
It’s funny. I’m getting divorced… But for the first time in over a decade I actually feel like I genuinely made the “nice list”. I wasn’t irritable or faking it this year. I wasn’t mostly dead inside. I wasn’t people pleasing and catering to everyone around me and completely denying myself and then over indulging in another area. Every act of kindness was genuine and came from a place of peace.
I’m so grateful. Merry Christmas to me 💖
If you’re looking for a lesson or a moral of the story, here’s how I would sum it up….
Feel your feelings. All of them. Slow down and allow yourself to feel angry, devastated, grief… Allow yourself to love who you love. Doing anything less is so damaging to the self and thus everyone around you.
This was probably the smallest Christmas under the tree we’ve had and the least money we spent… But the two littles said it was the best Christmas ever. I didn’t over compensate by spending tons of money or lavishing them with tons of shit. I picked gifts with love and intention, wrapped and prepared from a place of peace and joy, and they felt it.
Energy is everything.
Christmas magic really does come from the heart. But the magic will be lost if your heart is full of pain and closed to Love.
You love who you love. I love who I love. My freedom came when I gave myself permission to feel it fully, with no expectations. Oh, and I ended my relationship with guilt and shame too.
If you’re looking to experience Christmas magic, it’s not too late. Close your eyes, feel into the core of your heart, ask yourself ‘how do I feel?”. The heart always knows. Allow yourself to be angry, sad, confused, whatever comes up. Don’t judge it. Allow yourself to feel madly in love with someone you “shouldn’t” be. I wish I had allowed myself this 10 years ago and every moment since then.
When you’ve found the part of you that feels the feeling, ask that part of yourself what it needs to feel loved. Often what I need is a big hug… acceptance… grace… peace… and lots of unconditional love. So I just give it to myself. I’ll often fall asleep wrapped up in my prayer shawl giving myself as big of a hug as I can manage. God knows how much big hugs heal me.
Did you make the “nice list” this year? The nice list is your own determination…. You get to decide if you were able to come to the gift of Christmas like a kid. Or was your heart burdened like mine has been for over a decade?
Feel your feelings. Allow God’s pure love to shine a bright white light on it, and give yourself the gift of yourself. You deserve it.
Merry Christmas ❤️
Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.
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Ugh like all things, I struggle to just SAY IT. I was on the fence about writing, or when I would. But a dear sweet friend of mine from way back in highschool (middle school but we weren’t friends… Yet!!!) sent me this shirt and the affirming message with it…
I hold back because I worry about everyone’s feelings, even my twin flame’s feelings… I don’t want to upset anyone or worse …upset myself lol! I worry worry worry and as a result I keep my mouth shut. 39 years of doing this has proven that it’s NOT working. I wanted to DIE being quiet. (Really it was just my truth wanted the silenced part of me to die, I didn’t literally want to die … just want to make that clear 😅)
This journey is SAVING MY LIFE. It’s bringing me back to life. It’s breathing life back into these dry bones. Like the lyrics from our song…
“You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me”I thought I needed my twin to rescue me but nope. It was God. He left the 99 and came after me… Stranded on the edge of a cliff, about to fall off 😅
Look at me… The G.O.A.T. 😂🔥
He caught me flying, flailing, desperately screaming and plopped me right in Twin Flame Ascension school.
I’m SO GRATEFUL!!!
This is my journey back to God, into a deeper more meaningful, whole, trusting relationship and why would I not share that?!
Also, say it with me…
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE ELSE’S FEELINGS!
Just mine.
Just me.
That’s all I’m responding for.
So if this upsets you, take it to God. And do the mirror exercise. Claim your healing and claim your good. That’s what God really wants for us ❤️
Soooo, stay tuned! I’m gonna share all the beautiful details of my incredible twin flame journey 🔥🔥
Oh, and adding a new signature in honor of my beautiful twin 🥰
Honest. Kind. Shine.
XxOoXXo. (Said with the voice of jack black from nacho libre.. Big hug…little hug…Big kiss…little kiss…two Big hugs…little kiss.)
Keturah Mae Shine 