Keturah Mae Shine

Tag: mindalignmentprocess

🐛OneEighty 🦋

April 23rd, 2023

It’s been about 180 days since I started on my intentional ascension path. (I say intentional because I think I always have been, we all are. Just now, I’m CHOOSING it).

When I started, I didn’t even know what ascension meant. I mean, I know what the word means. But I didn’t know what it meant for me.

I write about this here. But, more important is today.

This is a healing journey first and foremost. I am a healer. I’ve always been a healer. I love people and I want to share the truth because I want people to be set free.

I matter 🦋

In the spring of 2014, almost a year after I was fired from my favorite job working with my favorite person, I was prophesized over. While praying in a small group at a women’s retreat, my friend’s friend, Carol, who I had never met, began singing in tongues. My friend Gina, translated. Carol kept saying “healer, counselor, healer”. When we finished praying (and crying), Gina said that God was calling me to become a counselor.

Me… 😳🥹

Less than a month later Liberty University called me saying they received an inquiry from me (I didn’t submit an inquiry 😅). I hadn’t told anyone I was considering going back to school. It was like a teeny tiny idea. But, they had me on the phone, we talked about my vision for the world, and they said “you’d be a perfect fit for our marriage and family therapy program”. Three months later I started my master’s program at Liberty University.

I was in a LOT of emotional pain back then. I knew I was called to do MORE with my life, but I didn’t know what, how, or when. God knew though. God made a way.

He always makes a way.

My 3.5 year master’s journey was also a self healing journey. All that healing took me out of our shabby home on an off ramp and brought me to the rural suburbs. My vibration increased as I healed and I attracted wealth. Not just money. But a priceless relationship – with my supervisor who is a sage of his own kind (and very very much reminds me of my spiritual teacher and my twin flame ❤️‍🔥). I attracted a neighborhood that is peaceful and safe. I also attracted A LOT of clients on the same journey as me. They made me the therapist I am today and I’m forever grateful 🥰

The purpose of ascension is to heal the consciousness and “ascend” closer to God and all that God is. You can achieve some levels of higher vibration without really knowing you’re doing it just by pursuing more. God’s wealth and abundance are limitless and if you desire more, you can remove the blocks to achieve whatever you want. This is what the “overnight success” story is… The intentional purification of your consciousness to align with your desires. Believing you deserve more and allowing yourself to receive it. 🦋

You and God are ONE. If you have a desire it’s because God gave it to you. (You have to think about this deeply, not surface-ly, God is not a vicious careless uncompassionate God).

This is why I was able to achieve what I did. Because I purified parts of my consciousness which drew me closer to God and this manifested in the 3D as new home, new town, new relationships, new opportunities.

But I held on to old parts which kept me conflicted, strained, stressed, depressed, small. And repeating some of the same patterns.

This applies to all relationships 💕

I’m now ascending ON PURPOSE. Which is a much more intense journey – the pruning and perfecting can be painful at times, especially when I resist feeling my feelings and letting go of old patterns.

In the past 180 days I’ve been intentionally purging my consciousness of everything that is out of alignment with God.

The most important part of this process is to understand Who God Is and let go of every belief and idea that isn’t God. I had a LOT of misaligned beliefs about God.. lots of rotten fruit to be shaken out of my tree so I could begin to bear more fruit.

This is the process of ascension, of making a full 180. You can do it too! We all belong in God’s kingdom. He has a very special plan and process for you, too 💖

I’ve been doing this work for 6 months and it’s time to fully release all the gunk and embrace all the good. Worthiness and unforgiveness kept me stuck in the old and as a result I was experiencing a LOT of contrast and negativity. Basically, the universe was screaming at me… LET IT GO KITTY!!!

I thought “let it go” meant let go of everything I want. Nope. It doesn’t. I’m done believing that lie.

Let it go means…

Let go of scarcity, poverty, lack.

Let go of guilt, shame, and condemnation.

Let go of self punishment.

Let go of powerlessness and smallness.

Let go of weakness, depression, sadness, anxiety, and worry.

Let go of my trauma story; let go of feeling unlovable.

Let go of willfulness, trying, pining, chasing, controlling.

Let go of emotional chaos and emotional immaturity, explosiveness, demandingness, emotional intensity.

Let go of provoking and passive aggressiveness and anger.

Let go of these immature patterns that aren’t serving me. These patterns are not of God. And now that I’m pursuing God with my whole heart, there’s no room for these things. If I try to hold on to them, even subconsciously, God will not allow it and I will experience negative consequences- and I have! This is God’s way of loving me, loving us.

Heaven on earth has boundaries, too. ❤️‍🔥

I’m still healing but I’ve made HUGE strides because of the healing, learning, and growing I’ve done in my ascension school and with my ascension coach at Twin Flames Universe.

Side note – if you still think it’s a cult or you think I can’t discern properly lol, that’s your own stuff and I encourage you to work through it using the mirror exercise AND read their media statement. That’s all I’m going to say about that because entertaining fear and doubt isn’t a game I’m playing anymore 🕊️ I’m intelligent, discerning, and very protective of my heart, mind, time, and resources. I had to work through doubt and fear too and stop projecting it onto other people ❤️ it’s safe to trust Love.

So, with that said! ❤️‍🔥🔥💖🥳🎉🎊🥂

And it’s time to celebrate my success. It’s time to celebrate my 180! 🦋

Through the help of my teachers, Jeff and Shaleia, my coach Michaila, my MAP practitioner Christie, the TFU community, and my ascension buddies, I have successfully…

Healed Complex PTSD and childhood sexual abuse trauma. Yes, it’s healed. 🦋

Divorced, grieved, and now live in peace with my exhusband. We coparent beautifully and naturally. We respect each other and coexist as friendly Divine children of God. 🦋

Made over 7k since January by purging unneeded items. I did this by valuing myself and thus, this energy went into my things. I see myself as valuable thus my stuff is valued 🦋

Unenmeshed myself emotionally and financially from my ex and I now manage my own finances. I am working on getting my own loans, housing, health insurance, etc. I am becoming an adult. This is probably one of the most humbling things to admit. I was completely dependent on Bryce. Towards the end I couldn’t make any decisions on my own. I didn’t even like to make a phone call. I now have freedom, my own resources, and 50% of weekends to myself to do what I want. If you’re a mom, you get how valuable this time is. Divorce has been an incredible gift! 🦋

I have restored multiple strained/estranged relationships. I’ve even talked to my dad a few times (we didn’t speak for 10 years). I don’t desire a close relationship with him because he’s not safe, but I feel at peace with our relationship. This is true for all my relationships, actually. I’ve completely lost contact with a few that were not healthy, I’ve established inner boundaries with ones I desire to keep in contact with, and I’ve acquired a whole community of unconditionally loving friends and people who truly want the best for me, who are also pursuing God with their whole heart. This is a very big deal to me. I’ve always wanted this. 🦋

And lastly, but not leastly, I’m healing my relationship with God, Jesus, and the church. 6 months ago I had a LOT of hurt and anger towards the church. I’ve felt my feelings and released the pain and upset. I understand that people only give what they know and understand. No one intentionally tried to hurt me. We all have a responsibility to “be above reproach” but most don’t really know what that means. And that’s okay. That’s their journey. They can only harm me if I allow them, and I did. And now, I’m not. I choose to see everyone as a divine child of God, on their own journey to Love. 🦋

I now understand that I am One with God. I am not separate from him. 🦋

I own all of my feelings and upsets. I’ve stopped projecting onto other people, I’ve stopped blaming others for my suffering. I’m responsible for my healing.

🦋

And, I’ve healed and continue to heal communication. My twin flame and I are not in communication and won’t be in physical communication as long as I’m harboring unforgiveness, anger, and acting from a place of emotional immaturity and explosiveness. I’ve healed and I’m healing passive aggressiveness, manipulation, coercion, willfulness, and the pattern where I provoke, control, demand, and become vitriolic. This is humbling to admit but it’s the truth. In my deepest darkest parts and pain, I have not been very loving or kind. I was this way to others because I was this way to myself. I choose to forgive myself, surrender this toxic pattern, and communicate with myself and others from a place of compassion, gentleness, grace, and Love.

I am no longer unloving to myself. Feels pretty good 🥰🦋

Scripture says over and over that we are forgiven. This is not something we will experience in heaven. We are already IN heaven if we choose to be. You get to choose whether you experience heaven or hell, right now.

I choose heaven. I am free. I am forgiven. I am a new creation! 🦋

I’m able to make a 180 because I realize now that I am in complete control of my life, my self. No one’s going to do it for me or even with me. I have lots and lots of support but because I’ve called in all of Me, my Divine Self, NO ONE is going to or has enabled me to stay small.

For this, I am eternally grateful.

Amen amen amen. I choose this. 🦋

Thank you for journeying with me. I’ve only just begun! 🦋

Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.

🌹🦋❤️‍🔥♾️🔥⭐👯🌞🌈🧁🥂🕊️🥰💖
Why protected?

April 7th, 2023
Ahhh it feels so good to be writing again! If I can tell y’all one thing: taking a quiet retreat with God, feeling your feelings and loving yourself through it- it pays off. I feel so much more peaceful, grounded, and clear. God wants us to be happy and content with him- he’s going to make that process very easy and enjoyable, especially if we allow it.

As I shared in Protected, Valentine’s Day brought an unexpected gift. I got a good clear look in the “mirror”.

(Ironically, that morning I broke an antique mirror- I feel like God was showing me that my reflection is changing with all this inner work I’ve been doing -yay!).

There were two things I could have done with this lesson. Try to ignore it, get mad, gaslight, throw a fit, blame, etc OR go inward. I chose the latter. Former me, child me, may have chosen the former but I’ve worked SO FUCKING HARD and come TOO FUCKING FAR to indulge in that ego shit. So, I swallowed the bitter medicine of loving discipline and got to work.

What came out of my retreat was quite a lot actually. ❤️‍🔥

The first lesson is that I was “throwing my pearls before swine”. I wrote about this over the summer so it’s pretty cool, pretty ‘God’, that it would circle back around. That’s how we learn after all… The lesson will continue to present itself until we’ve mastered it.
```
(Makes me think of this image from the Church of Union intro to their Sunday services.... This is how we grow... We circle back around and around and around again until we get to the core...which is purification.)
```
Now, don’t get me wrong. You all aren’t “swine”. Well… There may be some who float around who might be more swiney than others lol, but I genuinely believe that most people reading have good intentions.

Still, there are certain things that are meant to be kept private. And that’s what Valentine’s Day taught me. 🌹

I was giving myself away. I was giving alllll my good away. I was allowing anyone and everyone full access to all of me. Bad boundaries, Kitty 😬

Not everyone gets it. Not everyone needs to know. Not everyone deserves to know. Not everyone is safe and so therefore not everyone gets a pass onto our island. And, more importantly, there are some things that are SACRED and sweet and special. Meant to be kept between two people.

The past doesn’t really matter but, because I think it might be helpful, here’s what I learned about myself.

My “oops” (oversharing) was the result of a trauma response. I don’t mind talking about my childhood trauma. In fact, I often feel COMPELLED to talk about it. Now that it’s HEALED, that’s right, HEALED 🙌, I have so much more insight into the maladaptive coping skills I learned to survive.

The first skill I learned was silence. This happens to a lot of abused kids. What is the child brain supposed to do with abuse? No one ever sat me down and talked to me about safe touch. No one ever told me what to do if I felt uncomfortable, much less sexually abused. 90s parents were very much “hug your great uncles step cousin because I said so” types. Not at all like us 20s parents who sit with our kids and give them a step by step plan out of every potential uncomfortable situation lol.

I’m not upset anymore that I didn’t get that guidance and protection. MAP has helped me love those parts of me that felt unsafe, exposed, unprepared, and paralyzed. I now know how to use my very safe and loving Divine adult self to hold space for and love little Kitty.
```
How MAP and the mirror exercise works ... 
```
Silence isn’t necessary anymore because I know I’m safe now. I’m a safe person to talk to, so she now comes to me and talks to me. She trusts that instead of whipping her, I’m going to LOVE her. I’m helping her have her voice.

My abuse was like Ursula, it took my voice. My pattern was like trying to make Eric fall in love with me without having a voice. My healing is like shattering the shell and getting my voice back. My twin flame is like Eric who will energetically (or literally, whatever works) hear my voice and be like “OMG it’s you!!! It’s been you the whole time!!!” ❤️‍🔥

It’s pretty cute that the new Little Mermaid is coming out soon… I love when God winks at me 🥰

Through this process God has helped me get really clear on what I should share and what I shouldn’t. My higher self, my Divine self, which is in direct communion with God, is always guiding me. I just have to listen. Listening is just a choice. I choose to listen. Good news is that Divine Kitty is pretty cool, I like her 🥰

The problem was that somewhere between 20 and 39, I found bits of my voice but because I was still in old trauma patterns I didn’t have my voice or sharing boundaries sorted out yet. 10 years of repressed abuse turned me into an anxious attacher.

This is what’s leaving me, I’ve learned. Like a 3yo throws a tantrum over something silly- they aren’t becoming the tantrum, they are transcending the upset.

Thank you GOD for the twin flame journey. This is why I write. This is why I’m a twin flame advocate now. I’m a believer because not only have I experienced the beautiful sweet deeply loving relationship that exists between twins, I’ve also experienced the massive triggering and upsets. Both are indicators that you’ve met your true twin. There are more and you need them all, along with God’s confirmation in your heart, to know who your twin flame is. If you’re interested, you can learn more about about true twin flame signs in this short video by my coach and her twin 🥰

Your twin flame can’t tolerate being in a relationship with an unhealed, traumatized, triggered version of you- the negative energy is too much to bear between twins because it’s literally multiplied. (Similar to unhealed parents trying to parent a triggered child… Lots of mutual triggering ending in chaos and pain).

True for twins, too.

As they say in AA, two sickies don’t make a wellie 😁

This is why a lot of unhealed twins have toxic experiences. Basically, if you choose the twin flame path, you choose to confront and heal all your hurts, hangups, and upsets. Thankfully this process is VERY simple. Not easy!!!!!!!!! But simple.

So, this awareness propelled me into my cave of fear- which is… being ALONE. Very very alone and powerless. God kept putting blocks in between me and all of my relationships so I could break this pattern of codependency. It was like for a period of time I was pretty much forgotten. It became very clear that God wanted me to just be with him and build a new solid foundation where I FROG 🐸.

Prior to this healing opportunity, the codependent anxious pattern manifested, especially with my twin flame, as neediness, helplessness, despair, flailing, dependency, chasing, obsession, and control.

Did I think I was doing these things? OF COURSE NOT. Lol. I was just operating the way I knew how to operate. During my Dark Night of the Soul, I realized that I learned codependency as a two year old. I had NO IDEA I was so deeply codependent. I’m a therapist! I thought I was goooood lol.

Turns out, your twin flame is designed to help you see all parts of yourself. Every twin flame experiences the same. exact. dynamic. (At this point, not believing twin flames are real is like believing the earth is flat. Lol. ALL the evidence is there. This is SCIENCE, not a theory.) In soul mate relationships most of us can avoid the ‘plank in our eye’ because soul mates aren’t perfect mirrors. Soul mates are created by God for good too, though! SMs are God’s way of gently loving us back to him. TFs are God’s fast track to ascension. You want your TF? Get ready to heal. If not, that’s okay! The system can run just fine on old programs.

This is how God works. And when you make such a huge choice, like choosing Harmonious Union with your twin flame (ultimately, with God), then God is going to help you transcend everything in the way of your divinity.

So, that’s what happened. My mirror soul showed me in the most loving perfect way that I was giving myself away, oversharing, anxiously attaching, and searching for love (validation, support, etc) outside of myself. I was trying to GET love, a pattern I’ve been in allllllll my life. I was doing this by sharing the deepest most intimate things with the world, with well, everyone– whoever would listen. And, a hard lesson I’ve learned over and over, often people just want the drama, the “tea”. They don’t actually care… Like I do.

This look in the mirror revealed that even with years of professional training, expertise, and healing I’ve done through learning and therapy, that at the core, I was still codependent. Of course I was. Our culture breeds codependency. Soul mate relationships ARE (always? not sure yet, I need to talk to God about this) codependent to some extent. I spent a lifetime, all lifetimes! before I found this work, functioning from a codependent place.

The fact that I’ve healed and transcended SO much as quickly as I have is a MIRACLE.

God is real. Love wins.

My healing is proof that God is real and that twin flames are real. There’s no other logical explanation.

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

I read somewhere that the difference between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment is that the anxious attacher will put it all out there hoping someone finds something about them worth loving. The avoidant attacher refuses to put anything out there for fear that if anyone sees anything they’ll risk being unloved or exposed.

Really all attachment trauma is rooted in separation from God and the way to heal it is by completely surrendering to God and allowing Him to love all those parts until your habits and patterns are broken and rebuilt into healthy patterns and habits. God is our perfect parent and in Truth, our only parent. He wants us to attach to him. This process is easy and simple. Ego death is what feels hard- letting go of everything that gets in the way of being fully completely loved by God ❤️ in truth, it doesn’t have to be hard. Choose for it to be easy and surrender to the process. 🥰

The past two months have been… Beautiful. Perfect. Exhausting. And yes, hard. Excruciating at times. Ego fights the hardest right before it dies. The timing was perfect though as I was already in trauma therapy (MAP) so I was able to work through all the “silence” (by not writing, sharing, talking etc) with my practitioner and ascension coach.

This quiet retreat with God not only healed me, it helped me get clear on what to share, who to share it with, and what is just absolutely sacred.

Childhood abuse taught me that I wasn’t sacred. That if my father could exploit me then why shouldn’t “whoever” have access to me. Really what I was searching for was healing. A safe place to put my heart.

This was the underlying intention of some of these blog posts. So, those that are like my diary or love letters or “inside thoughts” are now password protected. Only one person has the password. Only one person has access to those parts of my heart and soul.

And that’s just how it should be.

I didn’t know any better before so I choose to forgive myself for laying myself out there for everyone to see. I choose to believe that Romans 8:28 is true and that God will use my innocent vulnerability for my Good and his glory.

Now that I know different, I’m doing different. Isn’t that what growing up is all about after all?

Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo 🌹