For almost two decades, I was married to someone I loved. We had a beautiful family, a stable life, and a strong friendship. By most peopleās standards, it was a good relationshipāsafe, supportive, kind. He was a good man. We shared joy, laughter, lots of life, vacations, sweet moments with our children, and a deep respect for each other.
But hereās what I didnāt understand back then: You can love someone with your whole heartā¦ and still not be in the right frequency for your soul. You can build a whole life with someoneā¦ and still not be in alignment.
Because what I had wasnāt badāit just wasnāt mine.
I had already met my Twin Flame while I was still married. And what that connection awakened in me was something I didnāt even know I had been missing: a level of intimacy, spiritual recognition, and divine truth that shook me to my core. He once gave me a song with the lyric: āI never knew I had a dream until that dream was you.ā And thatās exactly what it felt like.
Until that moment, I didnāt even know I had a hunger for that kind of transcendent love. And once that part of me woke up, I couldnāt go back to sleep.
But I tried. God knows I tried.
For ten years, I pushed myself to make my marriage work. I tried to restore it, fix it, prove my love- to him, to myself, to everyone- through what I now know was guilt and obligation. I told myself I owed it to my kids. To him. To God. I forced myself to be present when my soul was crying. And that constant self-betrayal created deep, long-lasting trauma.
Because hereās what they donāt tell you: Being in a relationship that isnāt your true vibrational match will wear down your soul.
Me in 2017… hiding behind heartbreak
Even if it looks good on the outside. Even if thereās love there.
Itās not about blame. My ex wasnāt abusive. He didnāt try to trap me or control me. In fact, he told me more than once that he never wanted me to fake it. But the truth isāI did. I faked it because I didnāt feel like I had a way out. I faked it because I thought love was supposed to look like sacrifice.
Even now, years after our divorce, my nervous system is still healing. Thatās how deep the pattern of self-abandonment ran. Thatās how much I tried to contort myself into a relationship that didnāt fit.
I used to think that if someone was kind and stable and loving, that should be enough. But Iāve learned something sacred through my healing: Safe doesnāt mean aligned. And love alone doesnāt mean union.
If youāre constantly having to explain yourselfā¦ If you feel like your partner just doesnāt get you, no matter how you try to translateā¦ If youāre always tiptoeing around your truth, your light, your sensitivityā¦ If youāre not even sure you can speak certain feelings out loud without being shut downā¦
Then youāre probably not tuned to the same frequency. And that dissonance, over time, becomes unbearable.
Theyāre not a bad person. Theyāre not unloving or uncaring. Theyāre just not your person.
Different radio stations arenāt evilātheyāre just not playing the same genre. And you donāt have to keep screaming into static and calling it love.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE š
Great news. You don’t have to settle.
Your Twin Flame is the one whose soul mirrors yours exactly. Theyāre not āgood enoughāātheyāre you. They meet you on the frequency of your truth. They challenge your illusions. They help you ascendānot through force, but through presence. And itās a whole different world.
So if youāre reading this and wondering why your āperfectly goodā relationship still leaves you empty, confused, or unseenā¦ I want you to know youāre not crazy. Youāre not ungrateful. Youāre not asking for too much. Youāre just starting to tune into the truth. āļøāš„
If you canāt spread your wings around someoneā¦ how can you ever truly fly? šŖ½
Keep choosing you. Keep returning to your frequency. Keep pouring love on the places you once abandoned. And trustāyouāre not meant to settle. Youāre meant to soar. šļø
It’s been about 180 days since I started on my intentional ascension path. (I say intentional because I think I always have been, we all are. Just now, I’m CHOOSING it).
When I started, I didn’t even know what ascension meant. I mean, I know what the word means. But I didn’t know what it meant for me.
I write about this here. But, more important is today.
This is a healing journey first and foremost. I am a healer. I’ve always been a healer. I love people and I want to share the truth because I want people to be set free.
I matter š¦
In the spring of 2014, almost a year after I was fired from my favorite job working with my favorite person, I was prophesized over. While praying in a small group at a women’s retreat, my friend’s friend, Carol, who I had never met, began singing in tongues. My friend Gina, translated. Carol kept saying “healer, counselor, healer”. When we finished praying (and crying), Gina said that God was calling me to become a counselor.
Me… š³š„¹
Less than a month later Liberty University called me saying they received an inquiry from me (I didn’t submit an inquiry š ). I hadn’t told anyone I was considering going back to school. It was like a teeny tiny idea. But, they had me on the phone, we talked about my vision for the world, and they said “you’d be a perfect fit for our marriage and family therapy program”. Three months later I started my master’s program at Liberty University.
I was in a LOT of emotional pain back then. I knew I was called to do MORE with my life, but I didn’t know what, how, or when. God knew though. God made a way.
He always makes a way.
My 3.5 year master’s journey was also a self healing journey. All that healing took me out of our shabby home on an off ramp and brought me to the rural suburbs. My vibration increased as I healed and I attracted wealth. Not just money. But a priceless relationship – with my supervisor who is a sage of his own kind (and very very much reminds me of my spiritual teacher and my twin flame ā¤ļøāš„). I attracted a neighborhood that is peaceful and safe. I also attracted A LOT of clients on the same journey as me. They made me the therapist I am today and I’m forever grateful š„°
The purpose of ascension is to heal the consciousness and “ascend” closer to God and all that God is. You can achieve some levels of higher vibration without really knowing you’re doing it just by pursuing more. God’s wealth and abundance are limitless and if you desire more, you can remove the blocks to achieve whatever you want. This is what the “overnight success” story is… The intentional purification of your consciousness to align with your desires. Believing you deserve more and allowing yourself to receive it. š¦
You and God are ONE. If you have a desire it’s because God gave it to you. (You have to think about this deeply, not surface-ly, God is not a vicious careless uncompassionate God).
This is why I was able to achieve what I did. Because I purified parts of my consciousness which drew me closer to God and this manifested in the 3D as new home, new town, new relationships, new opportunities.
But I held on to old parts which kept me conflicted, strained, stressed, depressed, small. And repeating some of the same patterns.
This applies to all relationships š
I’m now ascending ON PURPOSE. Which is a much more intense journey – the pruning and perfecting can be painful at times, especially when I resist feeling my feelings and letting go of old patterns.
In the past 180 days I’ve been intentionally purging my consciousness of everything that is out of alignment with God.
The most important part of this process is to understand Who God Is and let go of every belief and idea that isn’t God. I had a LOT of misaligned beliefs about God.. lots of rotten fruit to be shaken out of my tree so I could begin to bear more fruit.
This is the process of ascension, of making a full 180. You can do it too! We all belong in God’s kingdom. He has a very special plan and process for you, too š
I’ve been doing this work for 6 months and it’s time to fully release all the gunk and embrace all the good. Worthiness and unforgiveness kept me stuck in the old and as a result I was experiencing a LOT of contrast and negativity. Basically, the universe was screaming at me… LET IT GO KITTY!!!
I thought “let it go” meant let go of everything I want. Nope. It doesn’t. I’m done believing that lie.
Let it go means…
Let go of scarcity, poverty, lack.
Let go of guilt, shame, and condemnation.
Let go of self punishment.
Let go of powerlessness and smallness.
Let go of weakness, depression, sadness, anxiety, and worry.
Let go of my trauma story; let go of feeling unlovable.
Let go of willfulness, trying, pining, chasing, controlling.
Let go of emotional chaos and emotional immaturity, explosiveness, demandingness, emotional intensity.
Let go of provoking and passive aggressiveness and anger.
Let go of these immature patterns that aren’t serving me. These patterns are not of God. And now that I’m pursuing God with my whole heart, there’s no room for these things. If I try to hold on to them, even subconsciously, God will not allow it and I will experience negative consequences- and I have! This is God’s way of loving me, loving us.
Heaven on earth has boundaries, too. ā¤ļøāš„
I’m still healing but I’ve made HUGE strides because of the healing, learning, and growing I’ve done in my ascension school and with my ascension coach at Twin Flames Universe.
Side note – if you still think it’s a cult or you think I can’t discern properly lol, that’s your own stuff and I encourage you to work through it using the mirror exercise AND read their media statement. That’s all I’m going to say about that because entertaining fear and doubt isn’t a game I’m playing anymore šļø I’m intelligent, discerning, and very protective of my heart, mind, time, and resources. I had to work through doubt and fear too and stop projecting it onto other people ā¤ļø it’s safe to trust Love.
So, with that said! ā¤ļøāš„š„šš„³ššš„
And it’s time to celebrate my success. It’s time to celebrate my 180! š¦
Through the help of my teachers, Jeff and Shaleia, my coach Michaila, my MAP practitioner Christie, the TFU community, and my ascension buddies, I have successfully…
Healed Complex PTSD and childhood sexual abuse trauma. Yes, it’s healed. š¦
Divorced, grieved, and now live in peace with my exhusband. We coparent beautifully and naturally. We respect each other and coexist as friendly Divine children of God. š¦
Made over 7k since January by purging unneeded items. I did this by valuing myself and thus, this energy went into my things. I see myself as valuable thus my stuff is valued š¦
Unenmeshed myself emotionally and financially from my ex and I now manage my own finances. I am working on getting my own loans, housing, health insurance, etc. I am becoming an adult. This is probably one of the most humbling things to admit. I was completely dependent on Bryce. Towards the end I couldn’t make any decisions on my own. I didn’t even like to make a phone call. I now have freedom, my own resources, and 50% of weekends to myself to do what I want. If you’re a mom, you get how valuable this time is. Divorce has been an incredible gift! š¦
I have restored multiple strained/estranged relationships. I’ve even talked to my dad a few times (we didn’t speak for 10 years). I don’t desire a close relationship with him because he’s not safe, but I feel at peace with our relationship. This is true for all my relationships, actually. I’ve completely lost contact with a few that were not healthy, I’ve established inner boundaries with ones I desire to keep in contact with, and I’ve acquired a whole community of unconditionally loving friends and people who truly want the best for me, who are also pursuing God with their whole heart. This is a very big deal to me. I’ve always wanted this. š¦
And lastly, but not leastly, I’m healing my relationship with God, Jesus, and the church. 6 months ago I had a LOT of hurt and anger towards the church. I’ve felt my feelings and released the pain and upset. I understand that people only give what they know and understand. No one intentionally tried to hurt me. We all have a responsibility to “be above reproach” but most don’t really know what that means. And that’s okay. That’s their journey. They can only harm me if I allow them, and I did. And now, I’m not. I choose to see everyone as a divine child of God, on their own journey to Love. š¦
I now understand that I am One with God. I am not separate from him. š¦
I own all of my feelings and upsets. I’ve stopped projecting onto other people, I’ve stopped blaming others for my suffering. I’m responsible for my healing.
š¦
And, I’ve healed and continue to heal communication. My twin flame and I are not in communication and won’t be in physical communication as long as I’m harboring unforgiveness, anger, and acting from a place of emotional immaturity and explosiveness. I’ve healed and I’m healing passive aggressiveness, manipulation, coercion, willfulness, and the pattern where I provoke, control, demand, and become vitriolic. This is humbling to admit but it’s the truth. In my deepest darkest parts and pain, I have not been very loving or kind. I was this way to others because I was this way to myself. I choose to forgive myself, surrender this toxic pattern, and communicate with myself and others from a place of compassion, gentleness, grace, and Love.
I am no longer unloving to myself. Feels pretty good š„°š¦
Scripture says over and over that we are forgiven. This is not something we will experience in heaven. We are already IN heaven if we choose to be. You get to choose whether you experience heaven or hell, right now.
I choose heaven. I am free. I am forgiven. I am a new creation! š¦
I’m able to make a 180 because I realize now that I am in complete control of my life, my self. No one’s going to do it for me or even with me. I have lots and lots of support but because I’ve called in all of Me, my Divine Self, NO ONE is going to or has enabled me to stay small.
For this, I am eternally grateful.
Amen amen amen. I choose this. š¦
Thank you for journeying with me. I’ve only just begun! š¦
I feel called, inspired, and have a strong desire to teach.
You may or may not know, I’ve been deeply wounded by the traditional Christian church and how the masses have interpreted and taught some scriptures. Especially scriptures around Satan, love and marriage, God, and sin.
I’ve spent ten years deep in prayer, study, and discernment… Pulling apart scripture and the teachings I received and testing it against what I KNOW to be true- which is that God is Love.
It’s taken me this long to admit to myself what Love really is.
Side note… I’ve always loved this song. Since 2002. I can confidently say that I absolutely KNOW what love is now and I absolutely KNOW what I want š„°ā¤ļøāš„
I held a lot of conservative evangelical beliefs and teachings around these things and this indoctrination has caused me a lot of confusion, heartache, and pain.
I believe God is calling me to join the masses of those who grew up in the 90s purity culture, toxic Christian masculine, hell-evil-Satan obsessed theology who are calling themselves exvangelicals.
Some are completely renouncing their faith. (Not me).
Some are teaching the Truth (me).
Some are providing safe and empathetic spaces for those like me to heal (this is also me).
God is calling me to teach. To set the record straight. To turn these theologies right side up and align it all with love.
Who knows what’s going to come out of this. I’m trusting God for inspiration and flow. I’m learning A LOT. I’ve studied A LOT. I also have a very deep and personal relationship with God and for the first time in my life I can confidently say that he is still speaking. And because I’ve healed and I’m healing, I can confidently say that God is speaking through me. He’s always tried. He speaks to all of us all the time. We just have to remove the blocks that are in the way to hearing his voice.
In another post, I’ll share what those blocks were/are for me.
I’m not perfect nor do I claim to be. I may misspeak or mishear God and as a result give incomplete teaching. I’m not a master and I don’t claim to be. But I’m not going to wait to teach until I’m perfect because then… It will never happen. So, as with all things, use your discernment and talk to God about what I say here.
I’ll never say “you must believe this” and I’ll never say that I know everything. I am a child of God… I am not God. But, God is speaking through me. And this is how it’s supposed to be… For all of us! We’re supposed to hear God. We’re supposed to receive inspiration from God. God is active and speaking NOW. Not just in a 2000+ year old text š¬š You can scripture check that! šš
So, stay tuned for some new interpretations. I hope it enlightens, brings clarity and peace, and helps you understand God in a deeper, more loving way ā¤ļø
I needed to take a break and get clear on some things.
I received the best gift on valentines day, a completely unexpected look in the mirror. š¹
This helped me to reconsider some ways I was thinking about myself and my life… It challenged me to grow in ways that I wasn’t expecting. That’s what a twin flame is first… Your teacher ā¤ļøāš„
I started my twin flame ascension journey in October. A significant part of this journey is education through awareness, which is imparted to me by my spiritual teachers, Jeff and Shaleia, and their students in recorded classes called Twin Flame Ascension School (TFAS) through Twin Flames Universe . (Shameless plug- hands down the best investment I’ve EVER made… And I don’t even “talk” to my twin flame!!!!!!!!! š¹ā¤ļøāš„š¹). More on this another day š„°
When I took the leap of faith into this twin flame community I had no idea!!!! it was an ascension journey. I just was DESPERATE to understand our relationship and the unique struggles we were having. NONE of my MFT training, biblical understanding, or life experience made ‘us’ make sense.
I. was. desperate.
In October I didn’t really even know what ascension was other than knowing that Jesus ascended and I think two others in the old testament did too. But the stories I was told were that they were on earth one moment and gone the next.
Growing up in a charismatic church, I was no stranger to the concept of rapture. As a child I can remember having thoughts and questions about rapture and the end times that no one really seemed to know how to answer.
I carried these thoughts and questions into adulthood and anytime I felt remotely comfortable in a religious space I’d poke around and start asking questions. Long story short, I never received satisfying answers. I began to just file rapture and end times under the “lean not on your own understanding” label.
But still… It stuck with me.
It stuck with me so much that 6-8 years ago or so… I thought rapture happened while I was at a women’s retreat! I’m serious!!! I woke up in the middle of the night to what sounded like an orchestra of trumpets!!! I jumped up, looked out the window, expecting to see Jesus rolling out of the clouds… He wasn’t.
I was a kid in the 90s and remember the day our local Christian radio station came on the air- WGRC. And that’s all we listened to. Christian music. So, naturally, there are a few old school songs that have stuck with me… Here’s a fav of mine, I still sing it almost every day!
So the lyrics are “behold he comes, riding on the clouds, shining like the sun, at the trumpets call”
I’m not sure if I got the idea of rapture from this song, from scripture or sermon, or from Kirk Cameron… But it is carved into my consciousness… Jesus is coming when the trumpets sound!!!!
(Funny side note …. I had posted a video of a recording in Spain or somewhere, also about 6-8 years ago, of a weird anomaly where the wind was blowing through this city in such a way that it was causing a loud trumpet sound! The video was sooo cool. I posted it with those Twila lyrics and a friend commented and said “trumpets or Trump-Pence?” š±š³š¤Æ Needless to say, Jesus did not come rolling out of the clouds at the Trump-Pence call… But, it’s thought provoking, ay?)
There’s also this really cool scene in The Chosen, season 2 special episode where Mary is giving birth and Joseph looks out the window and the sky!!!!! OMG!!!! It’s glorious. A must watch series and brace yourself for this episode… So good.
I digress. So, I’m at this Christian women’s retreat, at a Mennonite Retreat Center, I mean, it’s just pure and perfect AF, and I wake up to this MASSIVE trumpet sound. I’m not talking about one trumpet. I’m talking like 12 days of Christmas trumpets, at least!!!! š¤£
So, nothing’s going on outside. Just stars and moon. I look over to my prayer warrior, spiritual mentor, for-sure-going-to-heaven friend, Gina… She’s asleep. I make sure her body is there and that she’s breathing because Left Behind got me all anxious worried I could mistake her just clothes for her body.
Okay so, she’s still there… But asleep. And I begin to wonder if I’m losing it. I’m too afraid and ashamed to go out of my room so I just crawl back into bed and pray myself back to sleep.
So next morning, everyone’s still there! Rapture indeed did not happen!
We go to breakfast and I start telling people my story, while laughing of course… I mean… I thought rapture happened. Some are hysterical, some look at me like I’m cray, I’m no stranger to embarrassment.
WELL PTL, one of the sweet Mennonite women heard me and while serving me breakfast said that this happens from time to time and I’m not the only one who’s heard it!
She tells me that it’s something about the way the wind blows through the (indoor) hallway, hits the storage of metal folding chairs, and makes a trumpet sound. Whew. I’m not losing my mind. LOL. Funny story.
So, this brings me back to my weird interest in rapture… The only word and reference I had for ascension.
Rapture was a mostly scary idea to me, even as a 33 year old. I think the Left Behind series messed a lot of us up š³š¬ thanks Kirk š
So, I suppose it’s a good thing that I didn’t know the twin flame thing I was getting into was a “rapture” journey because I might have been like ummmm no thanks, I’ll stay here with everyone else lol
So just in case you are like me and don’t know… Rapture and ascension? Not the same thing š¤£
So, now that I’ve been on this incredible journey for 5+ months, I now have a very deep understanding of this work and ascension. I feel like I can speak more confidently about it, about twin flames, and absolutely say with 100% certainty that this is a true spiritual journey into Christ consciousness and spiritual mastery.
I had no idea. But God did. And he heard my desperate cries for help and my heart and mind were/are open enough that he knew he could give me this work and I wouldn’t squander it.
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
In February I had just begun my trauma healing through Mind Alignment Process and I was in major upheaval. I talk about upheaval here, but I’ll probably circle back around as I’m now in my 10th week and I have gained such a huge understanding of well… A lot š„°
It’s 4am and I should probably sleep… But here’s my plan….
There are three points I want to cover, or questions I want to answer, as I make my return-to-blogging debut.
1. What is ascension and what do twin flames have to do with it?
2. What I learned from looking in the mirror. šŖ
3. Why are some of my posts now password protected???
I’m going to write on these things over the next couple days. Until then, thanks for reading and thanks for sticking with me through the long haul š it’s been 163 days since I began this internal journey and I’ve healed my childhood sexual abuse trauma, abandonment/attachment trauma, and I’m clearing codependency, fear, doubt, scarcity, and separation from my vibration.
It’s a freaking miracle. I’ve experienced a miracle.
Thank you God. Thank you Jeff&Shaleia, thank you to my coach and practitioner, and so many thanks to my ascension buddies. I couldn’t do this without this support. GOD IS SO GOOD y’all! And this is why I write. Because I want to give you the gift of love and healing that has been given to me š„°
I’m becoming a new creation. Just like Jesus promised š„°ā¤ļøāš„š„°
Ugh like all things, I struggle to just SAY IT. I was on the fence about writing, or when I would. But a dear sweet friend of mine from way back in highschool (middle school but we weren’t friends… Yet!!!) sent me this shirt and the affirming message with it…
I hold back because I worry about everyone’s feelings, even my twin flame’s feelings… I don’t want to upset anyone or worse …upset myself lol! I worry worry worry and as a result I keep my mouth shut. 39 years of doing this has proven that it’s NOT working. I wanted to DIE being quiet. (Really it was just my truth wanted the silenced part of me to die, I didn’t literally want to die … just want to make that clear š )
This journey is SAVING MY LIFE. It’s bringing me back to life. It’s breathing life back into these dry bones. Like the lyrics from our song…
“You pick me up when I fall down You ring the bell before they count me out If I was drowning you would part the sea And risk your own life to rescue me”
I thought I needed my twin to rescue me but nope. It was God. He left the 99 and came after me… Stranded on the edge of a cliff, about to fall off š
Look at me… The G.O.A.T. šš„
He caught me flying, flailing, desperately screaming and plopped me right in Twin Flame Ascension school.
I’m SO GRATEFUL!!!
This is my journey back to God, into a deeper more meaningful, whole, trusting relationship and why would I not share that?!
Also, say it with me…
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE ELSE’S FEELINGS!
Just mine.
Just me.
That’s all I’m responding for.
So if this upsets you, take it to God. And do the mirror exercise. Claim your healing and claim your good. That’s what God really wants for us ā¤ļø
Soooo, stay tuned! I’m gonna share all the beautiful details of my incredible twin flame journey š„š„
Oh, and adding a new signature in honor of my beautiful twin š„°
Honest. Kind. Shine.
XxOoXXo. (Said with the voice of jack black from nacho libre.. Big hug…little hug…Big kiss…little kiss…two Big hugs…little kiss.)
As youāve probably gathered, I am in the midst of a pretty intense battle of sorts. I am trying to move through it slowly and carefully. Armoring up, assessing, planning, fortifying, defending, and attacking when/if necessary. This approach has not been one that has come naturally to me. Ten years ago I was forced to reconsider how I move through life and deal with adversity. The pruning process was SO painful. It was one of the most beautiful and most painful times of my life. Do most people experience something like this in their late 20s? It was INTENSE for meā¦but Iām also an intense person, so maybe the intensity needs to match the personality? I probably fought it with intensity tooā¦ A battle of wills š¬
When I was a child, I acted like a child. (1 Corinthians 13:11).
Not everyone has the same growth rate. There are lots of different reasons for this and as an adult, I have worked hard to adopt a less childish way of viewing all the facets, including the process of growth. Iām moving away from judging and condemning other adults’ growth rate and instead moving inward- evaluating my own growth needs and process and focusing that attention, energy, and reflection on myself. Iām not great at this, admittedly.
When we turn 18 in America the overarching message and āchargeā is ānow youāre an adultā. The practicality of this transition is not always clear, linear, and does not always happen in an orderly fashion. This was especially the case for me. I did adult things while I was still a child. I got married, I moved into a house with my husband, had bills and work and responsibilities. We had two children before I turned 30. Was I legally an adult? Yes. Was my body an adult body? Yes. Was I emotionally, mentally, spiritually, relationally an adult? Not alwaysā¦ not even most of the time. Weāre multifaceted people and many of my facets were cracked or covered in mud. Not blaming or shamingā¦itās just factsā¦and these facts had/have consequences.
I think this is true for every 18-29+ year old in one facet or more. Are there any 25 year old people out there feeling like they have it all figured out?
So, hereās what I think happened. How this stronghold got its gripā¦
I aspire to be a faithful woman of God; to rest in His presence and trust that He will fight for me but to also to step into my Power and act and fight when Iām supposed to. Sometimes this feels like a āone step forward, two steps backā process. Sometimes it feels like Iām leveling up every hour.
I know I will never be done growing and my resting place is knowing that if I remain teachable, open, honest, still, and humble that eventually God will reveal my path- whether to act or be still or some wonky version of both at the same time. My cognitive distortions cloud my discernment, thatās for sure.
I have messed up. A LOT. I fight when Iām supposed to rest, I rest when Iām supposed to act. I ignore when Iām supposed to listenā¦
On the spectrum of what I think is peace and justice, I tend to lean into the panic end of the spectrum and less into the avoidance end of the spectrum. I could be wrong about the Peace/Justice spectrum, but I think it looks like thisā¦.
I donāt know if a bell curve applies here but if it does, it would indicate that at least 50% of the time, on any issue, we should be resting in Peace and fighting for Justice? Iām not really sure how this breaks down, admittedly. Maybe thereās more than one spectrum going on here.Ā
Anywho, my confession is that I tend to panic before I avoid. I also tend to act before I offer āthoughts and prayersā. I believe my propensity for action is one of my God given strengths. Unfortunately, as easy as it is for a thoughts and prayers kind of person to become avoidant or complacent, I too can move into panic and flailing, without much difficulty.
Obviously if I could will myself to hit the 50% mark 100% of the time, I totally would! My panic definitely seems to trigger those who avoidā¦ and I think the opposite is true too.Ā I think we can learn from each other and I want to. I’m ready to become more well-rounded (in demeanor, not physical shape haha)
I believe there is beauty to be found here, of course after Iām done flailing and having a temper tantrum š Iām frustrated with myself because no matter how hard I try and beg and pray and plead, I am still plagued by this idiosyncrasy. Itās a thorn in my side. It drives people I love absolutely bonkers and I think ultimately pushes them to a place of anxiety and avoidanceā¦ leaving me to panic, alone.
As God pulled me into this unique state of suffering, pruning, whatever this now 7-weeks-of-spiritual-battle is, I have been asking Him to reveal to me what He is trying to teach me, change in meā¦. I know this is the process of leveling up but manā¦. Iām growing tired of the crash and burn.
Jesus promises that his āyokeā is light and easy. Iām totally down for taking up any kind of yoke that is light and easy! Yes, please!!!
What am I doing wrong?
Iāve had a suspicion for a while that there may be something more going on here.
I grew up in a charismatic church. I was surrounded by teaching that focused on spiritual warfare and how to bind up and cast out demons and strongholds. I believe there may be a stronghold in or over my life and that might be why this problem keeps popping up all over the place. I am not avoidant, Iām introspective and introjective, so I try to stay on top of things like this. I donāt want to be the reason for my own suffering.
In the past 7 weeks, this stronghold seems to become more and moreā¦.strong.
I believe the stronghold might be anger…. Anger, contempt, unforgiveness, misunderstanding. Thereās probably more and I would welcome otherās thoughts on this matter. I would also welcome a gentle naming or calling out of how you see me participating/strengthening this stronghold. I am very aware that my own anger, unforgiveness, misaligned introjections, pride, arrogance, and contempt plays a huge part in the strength of this stronghold. It is hard for me to consider different perspectives because I am so internally focused and have SO MANY THOUGHTS. Obviously, I donāt want to be this way. I want to see the truth and participate actively and willingly in this necessary growth.Ā I want to be a sage, a calm meek soul….but that’s just not me haha….
This is me…. “these weirdos” lol
Another reason Iām writing and sharing is because I canāt hold otherās perspectives while I am full of mine. There doesnāt seem to be a deep enough well for all my thoughts, feelings, and pain. Iām really trying. Please trust that I have rebuked, surrendered, laid down my life, taken up my cross, forsaken myself, honored myselfā I have tried every approach I could think of, learned, and was told to try. NOTHING WORKS! So, Iām trying this (public blog) because itās what feels right for me. And, honestly, itās working. Today anyway š It will probably change tomorrow cuz God likes to keep me on my toes. š
The point: I would love it if fellow believers could join me in praying that the Holy Spirit reveals this stronghold and resolution to me so I can cast it out in Jesus name and be done with this love and life and growth killer once and for all!!!
A few nights ago Bryce anointed me with oil and we prayed that the stronghold would be released in Jesus name. I am actually feeling a little lighter which is just positively AMAZING.Ā
Would you be willing to join me in asking God to reveal the strongholds in and around my life and join me in binding them up and casting them out? I have been feeling the weight of captivity for too long. Iām weary. I want peace and joy and love and reconciliation.
1. AUTHORITY — Every believer has the right to use the authority of Jesus’ name to bind and take authority over Satan’s activities. “No one can enter a strong man’s house and plunder his goods, unless he first binds the strong man, and then he will plunder his house” (Mark 3:27). Issue a spoken command to the devil that he is bound and he must leave the stronghold! Exercising authority in the name of Jesus will expel the Devil’s influence. “And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues…” (Mark 16:17).
2. INTERCESSION — Come together with other believers to pray and intercede against strongholds until you get results. There is intensified power in the gathering of more believers. Prayer with fasting intensifies faith, and faith will break strongholds. “Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast him out? …However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting” (Matthew 17:19,21).
3. DISPLACEMENT — Establish the presence of God. Where Satan has been commanded to leave, fill it up with God’s presence. Where the presence of the Lord is, the Devil isn’t! Satan doesn’t want to hang around where people are lifting up Jesus in worship, in singing and prayer. The presence of the Lord displaces the Devil. “For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
4. RESISTANCE — Submit yourselves and draw close to God. The Bible says this is how we resist Satan and he will flee. The Devil runs from submitted, yielded Christians who pray, fast, worship and humble themselves to follow and obey God’s Word. “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (James 4:7).
5. OCCUPATION — Give no place or vacancy to the Devil. With Satan departed, fill the void with God. Let righteousness be the standard rule and behavior. Provide no pocket of rebellion, corruption or immorality in which Satan can find refuge to rebuild his influence or strength. The scripture says to not “give place to the devil” (Eph. 4:27).
6. FORTIFICATION — Clothe yourself with God’s armor. Take upon you daily, the full array of God’s spiritual equipment that you may maintain battle-ready status. With the shield of faith, the sword of the Spirit (God’s Word) and the other links of armor (Eph. 6:13-17), you will be ready to resist any satanic assault, and will be ready to engage the strongholds in others. “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil” (Ephesians 6:11).
Keturah Mae Shine 