For almost two decades, I was married to someone I loved. We had a beautiful family, a stable life, and a strong friendship. By most people’s standards, it was a good relationship—safe, supportive, kind. He was a good man. We shared joy, laughter, lots of life, vacations, sweet moments with our children, and a deep respect for each other.
But here’s what I didn’t understand back then: You can love someone with your whole heart… and still not be in the right frequency for your soul. You can build a whole life with someone… and still not be in alignment.
Because what I had wasn’t bad—it just wasn’t mine.
I had already met my Twin Flame while I was still married. And what that connection awakened in me was something I didn’t even know I had been missing: a level of intimacy, spiritual recognition, and divine truth that shook me to my core. He once gave me a song with the lyric: “I never knew I had a dream until that dream was you.” And that’s exactly what it felt like.
Until that moment, I didn’t even know I had a hunger for that kind of transcendent love. And once that part of me woke up, I couldn’t go back to sleep.
But I tried. God knows I tried.
For ten years, I pushed myself to make my marriage work. I tried to restore it, fix it, prove my love- to him, to myself, to everyone- through what I now know was guilt and obligation. I told myself I owed it to my kids. To him. To God. I forced myself to be present when my soul was crying. And that constant self-betrayal created deep, long-lasting trauma.
Because here’s what they don’t tell you: Being in a relationship that isn’t your true vibrational match will wear down your soul.
Me in 2017… hiding behind heartbreak
Even if it looks good on the outside. Even if there’s love there.
It’s not about blame. My ex wasn’t abusive. He didn’t try to trap me or control me. In fact, he told me more than once that he never wanted me to fake it. But the truth is—I did. I faked it because I didn’t feel like I had a way out. I faked it because I thought love was supposed to look like sacrifice.
Even now, years after our divorce, my nervous system is still healing. That’s how deep the pattern of self-abandonment ran. That’s how much I tried to contort myself into a relationship that didn’t fit.
I used to think that if someone was kind and stable and loving, that should be enough. But I’ve learned something sacred through my healing: Safe doesn’t mean aligned. And love alone doesn’t mean union.
If you’re constantly having to explain yourself… If you feel like your partner just doesn’t get you, no matter how you try to translate… If you’re always tiptoeing around your truth, your light, your sensitivity… If you’re not even sure you can speak certain feelings out loud without being shut down…
Then you’re probably not tuned to the same frequency. And that dissonance, over time, becomes unbearable.
They’re not a bad person. They’re not unloving or uncaring. They’re just not your person.
Different radio stations aren’t evil—they’re just not playing the same genre. And you don’t have to keep screaming into static and calling it love.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE 🌟
Great news. You don’t have to settle.
Your Twin Flame is the one whose soul mirrors yours exactly. They’re not “good enough”—they’re you. They meet you on the frequency of your truth. They challenge your illusions. They help you ascend—not through force, but through presence. And it’s a whole different world.
So if you’re reading this and wondering why your “perfectly good” relationship still leaves you empty, confused, or unseen… I want you to know you’re not crazy. You’re not ungrateful. You’re not asking for too much. You’re just starting to tune into the truth. ⛓️💥
If you can’t spread your wings around someone… how can you ever truly fly? 🪽
Keep choosing you. Keep returning to your frequency. Keep pouring love on the places you once abandoned. And trust—you’re not meant to settle. You’re meant to soar. 🕊️
I don’t think I realized how much heartache, pain, and confusion I have carried in my body. I’ve always been pretty resilient. I’ve never had allergies. I’ve never gotten a rash (other than poison ivy 😬😅) But now my body continues to react to the trauma work I’m doing by breaking out in rashes/hives. It started on my most sensitive and intimate parts… The parts directly affected by the abuse trauma, and now it’s radiating out to my extremities.
It’s like working its way OUT of me.
The meaning I’m making out of this is that my body is working hard to release the “score” that trauma has left in my body because it had no place to go. The rash is proof that it’s working. Amazing.
Our bodies are truly amazing.
My skin is feeling dry and like leathery now that it’s healing. I’m using Curel- a lotion called “ultra healing” which I feel like it’s another message of confirmation. I’m healing. Praise God. 🙌
The new layer of skin has me feeling like a brand new person. Like I shed my old life. I will give a brand new body, a healed body, to my twin flame. This is just so divine and I had no idea this was God’s plan. I’m so grateful. He deserves all of me. The best version of me. ❤️🔥
The temporary leathery feeling is a reminder to have good boundaries. To protect my body, to treat it like the temple it is. I feel like God is giving me a second chance. Complete and total healing. It’s a miracle. It’s MAP. ❤️🔥
In Ascension School, Jeff and Shaleia teach that we all have a twin flame and the purpose of twin flames is to experience God’s love; heaven on earth. The process of achieving union involves removing all blocks to love. This is also the process of ascension, oneness with God. Because God is love, removing all blocks to love naturally results in oneness with God or Christ consciousness. This is a simple process… But not easy. We all have different blocks. Twin flame couples have the same. exact. blocks. This is one of the ways we can PROVE twin flames are real. Because of these blocks. And, like freaking magic, only one twin needs to heal those blocks. Because we share the same consciousness, as I heal, he heals. I don’t need to talk to him. I don’t need to teach him. I don’t need to mother him, parent him, push him, pressure him. He’s a divine being and will heal with God’s love and presence in his life. Twin flames ALWAYS have a deep deep spiritual life and bond. We activate that growth and desire in each other and then perfectly mirror each other’s spiritual growth and core beliefs. This isn’t a theory. This is literally science. It can be proven by comparing core values and core blocks and also by doing the work and watching twins become magnetized to each other. My ascension coach did the work and magnetized her twin flame and didn’t even know him. It’s seriously amazing. Y’all might think it’s too good to be true but that’s God. God is too good to be true and yet, here we all are.
Because God LOVES US he created us this way, with a divine partner, one human who experiences all of life at the core the same way you do. It will look different on the outside. Just like Jesus’ work on earth looks different than the Holy Spirit’s work. This is how we’re made in God’s image (think about how the trinity works as one). Twin Flames ❤️🔥
One of the most telling signs of true twin flames is their core blocks. Every couple has that one big mountain that they think they’ll never get over. I’ve been working hard and fast (sorry twin flame… But also, I know you’re strong and you got this. We got this ❤️🔥) so I’ve been moving through years of upsets and contrast like a boss 🙌 but my next (building) block has made itself known… And it’s a biggy. It keeps coming up. Over and over and over and over.
It’s silence.
My twin hasn’t spoken to me since I infiltrated his life in October and dropped the life changing “I’m getting divorced” bomb on his lap. I didn’t understand twin flames back then. At all. So I pushed and chased and was really anxious and really needy. I was confused, hurting, desperate. I was trying to get something from him. And he loved me perfectly by not giving it to me.
In soul mate and karmic relationships this energy is no problem. In fact, lots of people build relationships on this energy of misery, common enemy, shared grief. Using each other to feel better. Not twin flames. They can’t. Is not divine so we can’t align. Instead, we push each other energetically to ascend. To pursue the heart of God. Because it’s only ever actually about God.
That’s how I can “do this”, mom. Because it’s only ever about God.
Twin flames are God’s perfect design for union on this planet. Created from the same soul, they MUST devote their heart, soul, mind, everything to God to be in unity. And God rewards their union with so. much. good. He and I had a taste of that for a few sweet months ten years ago. A few sweet months (and years of friendship and heartache) is what kept me alive during the dark ages (2017-June 2022). It’s what woke me up. It’s what pulled me out of my house in the middle of the night and threw me into my car bare foot and had me drive the 59.7 miles to his house with no explanation other than “Go. Now”.
It’s God. It’s all about God. He called me home to get me to Go Back Home.
I’ve learned that God wants us to be Happy. God cares about what I care about. God is a loving God. A good good Father. And like a good good father, he wants me to have everything I want. My desires have always been good and pure because that is my true soul’s nature. I’m pursuing the heart of God. I’m not going to have a desire outside of His desires.
Sorry church, you’ve messed up. That’s a different post for a different day. But anyone reading should know that 1. God sees you. 2. GOD is in control. 3. God wants to give you the desires of your heart because he is a good God. A God of abundance. Align with LOVE and you’ll understand the heart of God.
The strongest desire of my heart has always been for my twin flame. And then, I met him, and my heart and mind and body exploded into this new version of me. It took me a minute (5,259,600 of them) to understand what happened and why… Now I finally understand.
I will have my harmonious union.
No, it doesn’t look like that on the outside. He may even come here and read this and be like “wtf Kitty, you’re crazy”. I understand now that EVERYTHING he feels and thinks it’s just a mirror for me to see the same thing within myself. And I heal it. For both of us. Just watch. Watch it unfold.
It. Will. Happen. ❤️🔥 In fact, because time is an illusion and meaningless in God’s eternity, it’s already happened. It already exists. That’s why I have dreams and visions. Because it’s already here 💗
So, the next step that’s been revealed is my younger me.
She’s been asking to be heard for a long time. I have no idea what she has to say. Or when she’ll be done speaking. I have no idea if this is the big mountain… But I know it’s one of them because silence is quite possibly the most hurtful thing a person could do to me. And all. the. men. in my life have given me years of silence.
And I’ve given myself years of silence, too.
I know how to heal it. I don’t know all the parts, yet. I’m asking God for wisdom and insight. He keeps calling me to write. And also… Vlog. So yeah. An elder millennial vlogging her way through life. More on this another day.
For tonight… I’m snuggling my childhood stuffies- two Care Bears- that have special meaning to me and my twin… Cupcakes and rainbows 💗
I believe it can all be cupcakes and rainbows, joja 💗
And, I’m listening to this song on repeat as I write myself and the world a love letter to myself. As I give her the love she always wanted and never realized she had… Right there… In her heart the whole. time.
Dear younger me Where do I start If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far Then you could be One step ahead Of all the painful memories still running thru my head I wonder how much different things would be
Dear younger me I cannot decide Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life Or do I go deep And try to change The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me
Even though I love this crazy life Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride Dear younger me, If I knew then what I know now Condemnation would’ve had no power My joy, my pain would’ve never been my worth If I knew then what I know now Would’ve not been hard to figure out What I would’ve changed if I had heard
Dear younger me It’s not your fault You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross Dear younger me You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed Every mountain every valley Thru each heartache you will see Every moment brings you closer To who you were meant to be
You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed
Honest. Kind. Shine. XxOoXXo.
Adding this song to go with the image I chose to go with this writing… My dear friend sent it to me today because she knows… She knows my heart.
Something I’m learning on my spiritual journey is that only love is real. Only Unconditional Love exists. So… anything that doesn’t align with that is an illusion. Hurt, pain, sickness, death, fear, anger, judgement, etc etc etc… It’s all an illusion. Of course you can experience the illusion of these things. But this is why some people don’t get sick or don’t have the same fears. Because it’s not real. It’s why LOVE CONQUERS ALL. Because IT IS REAL.
This is why Jesus could heal and walk on water and ascended. Because he tore the veil between truth and lies. Between reality and illusion.
The church I grew up in (not the building but the theology) taught me that God is angry, judging me, and that I’m a deplorable sinner. That I must “carry my cross” and accept the “thorn in my side”. Even recently a pastor said to me that marriage is something we must “burden under”!!!
Wait… What?!?!?!
If God is love and God made me and God is perfect and can only make perfect things (right?!?!) Then I am perfect. I get the whole “fallen world” bit. Jesus paid it all so we wouldn’t have to suffer. So we wouldn’t have to be burdened. That’s the gift!!!! What’s the point of Jesus if we still live burdened or in captivity to our sin??? Did he pay it all or not? Is God perfect or not? Am I made in his image or not? A good God would not “burden” his children with marriage. That’s nonsense.
Jesus paid it all. Grace is free. We’re free. It wasn’t an affair. I was, it IS, LOVE 😘
I want to share a little story about how God’s grace really showed up during this 10-year journey since I met my twin flame.
After my twin flame and I met and ‘happened’ my pastor and therapist called it an affair and demonized us. No one would listen. I didn’t understand so I couldn’t make anyone else understand. I had so much guilt and shame over our connection and our love for each other and how that was expressed in the physical. It was beautiful and horrible. I felt so alive and so terrible. I was so in love and couldn’t have him.
If you’ve been here and have a conscience, you get it. I went on a 3-year journey of trying to understand how and why I found myself in an “affair”… It was SO out of character for me. During that time, God really revealed to me the true meaning of grace, which even though I grew up as a Bible thumping evangelical Christian, I had no idea what grace was until then. I did a lot of healing and God really showed up with so much love for me. Grace became my life source.
Today I was listening to the song Flawless by MercyMe and was reminded of a really sweet gift.
About 8 years ago, I was pregnant with my third child, a girl. During the pregnancy, this song, Flawless, was on the radio A LOT. I love singing it, it’s such a great song 💓
Every time it would get to the lyrics “Let me introduce you to Grace Grace, God’s grace”, I would be overwhelmed with emotion and the baby would start kicking and fluttering about.
I felt like angels were singing over me. 🥰
Fast forward to the day my daughter was born. We didn’t have a name picked out for her. All I knew was that her middle name would be Grace.
She was born on her great-grandfather’s birthday so we chose to name her Anna after his mother, her great great grandmother. About 12 hours after she was born, my mom asked ” What does the name Anna mean?” I didn’t know because we hadn’t considered it for her first name so we looked it up…
Well… It means Grace. 💫
Yeah, her name is Grace Grace! 😂😍💓
The first night we spent together she woke up to nurse and Flawless was playing in my head. At that moment God’s grace and love washed over me. I realized that God knew all along that her name would be “Grace Grace” and that’s why those lyrics filled me with so much emotion!
“Let me introduce you to Grace Grace, God’s grace”.
Back then I thought my daughter was a gift from God as part of my redemption story. It was my “reward” for choosing my marriage and doing everything that I could to heal from my “affair” and rebuild the marriage. I thought God showed me grace by giving me a perfect daughter because I made the “right” choice…
I no longer believe that. I do believe she is a gift of grace, but not because I earned her.
God loves me so he’s going to bless me no matter what. God loves me no matter what. There is no condemnation! There is NO SIN. It’s an ILLUSION.
It wasn’t an affair. We didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t hurt anyone. We didn’t hurt each other. I don’t have the power to hurt someone. We are eternal beings, made in God’s image. We can only experience the illusion of “hurt”. This is why when we THINK differently, we can make that pain go away.
I now KNOW that what happened between me and my twin was NOT an affair. In fact, I believe that I had an affair with my ex-husband! My spiritual teachers teach that having sex with anyone but your twin flame is like having sex with a sibling! Well, this made that whole relationship make sense….. 💀😂😅 I believe this truth is one of the HUGE reasons many couples don’t enjoy or stop enjoying intimacy/sex in relationships/marriage. Because hormones and the high only lasts so long. And your soul KNOWS you’re being intimate with a sibling 🤢
But the passion and romance between twins never fades. It’s why I still have feelings and desires ten years later! (And we didn’t even speak for the last 5 years!)
Twin Flame love is MAGIC ❤️🔥
I was married for 4 years when I met my twin (11 years ago). Even though I was already married to someone else, I always felt like I was betraying my twin, betraying us, by being in my marriage and doing married… things. I didn’t understand this because I thought I should have guilt because I was married and feeling desire for someone else. I didn’t have any guilt about my feelings about him until the “church” piled it on.
I never enjoyed doing married things. I’d pull away from touch, from hugs and kisses… I never initiated sex. I was irritable, annoyed, suicidal, in constant pain, lackluster, and just downright miserable. I thought something was wrong. with. me. Nothing I did made it better. And I TRIED.
I now understand that God gave me a living gift of Grace to show me how innocent and worthy of Love I am. I’m worthy of all my Good. I’m worthy of a marriage that is passionate and reciprocal and always growing, never stagnant. The ONLY relationship this is always possible with is your twin flame.
It’s not woowoo. It’s science. It works the same for EVERY twin flame. A method. A process. It’s God. You must have a close, intimate, safe, very personal relationship with God before you can be in Harmony with your twin.
My exhusband and I are smart, kind, committed, selfless, spiritual and loving people!!!!! We tried and tried. We used every resource, every method to heal and grow our relationship. It didn’t work because we’re not twin flames. It was destined to fail. And it did. When we made the decision to end it it fell apart, no problem. No drama.
My daughter is 7 now and the other day she said, unprompted, “I’m okay with you loving (my TF) because I already know him”. She was not even one the last time she saw him.
Her soul knows. My kids love him because HE IS ME!!! No introduction needed. No need to get to know him. If you know me, you already know him. 🥰
Final thoughts…
I don’t know if anyone else has boat loads of religious indoctrination and trauma, but, I want to confidently say that YOU ARE FLAWLESS.
You are perfect 💖
God’s Grace covers all.
And if you and your TF had an affair, I want to say —
IT WASN’T AN AFFAIR!!! 💥
There was always a grander, more beautiful, incredibly loving plan and reason for why he and I happened when we did. God is still revealing this to me, but I absolutely believe now that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn’t an affair. It was love, it IS love, and God is love. I’m free from all guilt, shame, and condemnation!
Because of grace, grace, God’s grace ❤️🔥
I’m so thankful for this journey, so thankful for my coach and spiritual teachers, I’m so thankful for my community. I’m finally home ❤️
I planned to write an nye post and decided to have fun instead and now I’m realizing how actually perfect this decision was! I was going to say goodbye to a bunch of things I choose to leave in 2022… But… That actually feels like holding on. And I choose to LET GO!!!
So, Happy New Year! For the first time EVER I’m excited about the new year. I’m dreaming, throwing all kinds of good things into my vortex (see video), and manifesting so much abundance for the rest of my eternal existence!!!
So here’s a quick rundown (what’s a rundown??) of the rest of my life.
1. All the twin flame things. I’m all in. ❤️🔥❤️🔥 Twin Flames are REAL and I am one… And… So are you!
2. Ascension. I am loving this journey into harmonious union with God. I’m removing all blocks to Love and filling that space with Christ consciousness. Oneness. Peace. Joy. Unconditional Love.
3. Abundance. God is a God of plenty. I’m claiming my good, flowing with the divine flow. Make it rain 💸
4. Life purpose. I have a dream and I’m making it come true. Family recreation and recovery center ❤️🔥
5. Harmonious Union.
Funny… I got married when I was 23… 2023 seems like a good year to get married ❤️🔥 #vortex
So… Kitty…. What the heck are twin flames and when did you start believing in all this weird spiritual woowoo stuff???
Well lemme tell ya something.
I believe and I’m all in because it makes sense. It’s scientific, it’s deeply spiritual, and the work is working. It’s literally the only thing that makes my heart and mind and life feel at home, at peace. This wisdom and truth is my divine path to God, to wholeness, to Love. How could I say no?
I’ve been working on my twin flame post but I found this writing and it’s just so perfect and helpful. I didn’t write it (author credit below)
“You’ve met someone that you believe is your twin soul and it feels like your whole world’s changed. You feel this incredible love and desire to be with them which is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. It feels like you’ve known them all your life, even if you’ve just met and you can’t stop thinking about them. You feel a pull and a bond that goes beyond any logical explanation. Yet you’re not together. You desperately want to manifest your twin soul relationship and be able to share your life with them and yet it’s just not happening. It may be that the other person is married or in a relationship with someone else or denies that there’s anything special between you. Or maybe you’ve started a relationship together, expressed undying love for one another and then suddenly the other person doesn’t want anything more to do with you and vanishes over the horizon. You try your best to forget them, move on but despite your best efforts you think about them everyday and just know that the connection you felt is still there. Perhaps you feel like you’re going crazy and must be imagining it all.
You begin to wonder whether this really is a twin soul relationship and doubt that it’s possible to manifest it. You may have been told to forget it. You wish you could, it all seems hopeless and you feel confused and bewildered.
The good news is that a twin soul relationship is meant to work and it’s meant to work in this lifetime. Why would you meet someone that you feel this much love for, feel this amazing bond, only to be kept separated from one another and destined to spend your life apart? You are meant to be together and the relationship is meant to work. However, the only way to manifest your twin soul relationship is to understand what it’s about and what is needed to make it work. It is a spiritual relationship and so doesn’t follow the normal “rules” of love, dating or marriage. If you try to pursue the relationship without your soul then you’re likely to feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall.
No matter how much you may try to make it work, if you ignore the spiritual aspect of this relationship and go chasing after the other person then you’ll probably encounter resistance, denial, difficulties and setbacks. The only way to successfully manifest your twin soul relationship is to get to know your soul, your inner self and develop this relationship on a spiritual level. This person that you’ve met is the physical expression of the other half of your soul. Meeting them signals getting to know who you truly are. Twin souls or twin flames are the embodiment of pure unconditional love. So you need to let go of anything that isn’t part of that. It means letting go of thoughts, beliefs, behaviours that come from ego and don’t reflect who you truly are. As you gain understanding about yourself and begin to change you will notice that your twin soul does also. You are one soul in two bodies and what affects one affects the other. You act as mirrors with each other so as you begin working on yourself you will see that reflected back at you and at that point you will then be able to have and enjoy this special relationship that your heart has been yearning for.”
For most twin flames, it is not easy to describe the hidden door of desire, especially when it comes down to twin flame love, because it isn’t felt from a 3D level.
When you love from a 3D level, you are very much loving someone from a condition, and you are asking them to love you back ALSO from a condition. This is much like a marriage contract, based on a binding legal stipulation, instead of allowing love to flow naturally.
And in a way, you can say that is an essential difference between being in a regular 3D space and being with your twin flame in a 5D spiritual flow.
That pretty much sums it up. Some art so you know how I feel about this in my heart…. The desire is intense. But also so pure and beautiful. If you don’t know, you don’t know.
Keturah Mae Shine 