For almost two decades, I was married to someone I loved. We had a beautiful family, a stable life, and a strong friendship. By most people’s standards, it was a good relationship—safe, supportive, kind. He was a good man. We shared joy, laughter, lots of life, vacations, sweet moments with our children, and a deep respect for each other.
But here’s what I didn’t understand back then: You can love someone with your whole heart… and still not be in the right frequency for your soul. You can build a whole life with someone… and still not be in alignment.
Because what I had wasn’t bad—it just wasn’t mine.
I had already met my Twin Flame while I was still married. And what that connection awakened in me was something I didn’t even know I had been missing: a level of intimacy, spiritual recognition, and divine truth that shook me to my core. He once gave me a song with the lyric: “I never knew I had a dream until that dream was you.” And that’s exactly what it felt like.
Until that moment, I didn’t even know I had a hunger for that kind of transcendent love. And once that part of me woke up, I couldn’t go back to sleep.
But I tried. God knows I tried.
For ten years, I pushed myself to make my marriage work. I tried to restore it, fix it, prove my love- to him, to myself, to everyone- through what I now know was guilt and obligation. I told myself I owed it to my kids. To him. To God. I forced myself to be present when my soul was crying. And that constant self-betrayal created deep, long-lasting trauma.
Because here’s what they don’t tell you: Being in a relationship that isn’t your true vibrational match will wear down your soul.
Me in 2017… hiding behind heartbreak
Even if it looks good on the outside. Even if there’s love there.
It’s not about blame. My ex wasn’t abusive. He didn’t try to trap me or control me. In fact, he told me more than once that he never wanted me to fake it. But the truth is—I did. I faked it because I didn’t feel like I had a way out. I faked it because I thought love was supposed to look like sacrifice.
Even now, years after our divorce, my nervous system is still healing. That’s how deep the pattern of self-abandonment ran. That’s how much I tried to contort myself into a relationship that didn’t fit.
I used to think that if someone was kind and stable and loving, that should be enough. But I’ve learned something sacred through my healing: Safe doesn’t mean aligned. And love alone doesn’t mean union.
If you’re constantly having to explain yourself… If you feel like your partner just doesn’t get you, no matter how you try to translate… If you’re always tiptoeing around your truth, your light, your sensitivity… If you’re not even sure you can speak certain feelings out loud without being shut down…
Then you’re probably not tuned to the same frequency. And that dissonance, over time, becomes unbearable.
They’re not a bad person. They’re not unloving or uncaring. They’re just not your person.
Different radio stations aren’t evil—they’re just not playing the same genre. And you don’t have to keep screaming into static and calling it love.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE 🌟
Great news. You don’t have to settle.
Your Twin Flame is the one whose soul mirrors yours exactly. They’re not “good enough”—they’re you. They meet you on the frequency of your truth. They challenge your illusions. They help you ascend—not through force, but through presence. And it’s a whole different world.
So if you’re reading this and wondering why your “perfectly good” relationship still leaves you empty, confused, or unseen… I want you to know you’re not crazy. You’re not ungrateful. You’re not asking for too much. You’re just starting to tune into the truth. ⛓️💥
If you can’t spread your wings around someone… how can you ever truly fly? 🪽
Keep choosing you. Keep returning to your frequency. Keep pouring love on the places you once abandoned. And trust—you’re not meant to settle. You’re meant to soar. 🕊️
It’s been about 180 days since I started on my intentional ascension path. (I say intentional because I think I always have been, we all are. Just now, I’m CHOOSING it).
When I started, I didn’t even know what ascension meant. I mean, I know what the word means. But I didn’t know what it meant for me.
I write about this here. But, more important is today.
This is a healing journey first and foremost. I am a healer. I’ve always been a healer. I love people and I want to share the truth because I want people to be set free.
I matter 🦋
In the spring of 2014, almost a year after I was fired from my favorite job working with my favorite person, I was prophesized over. While praying in a small group at a women’s retreat, my friend’s friend, Carol, who I had never met, began singing in tongues. My friend Gina, translated. Carol kept saying “healer, counselor, healer”. When we finished praying (and crying), Gina said that God was calling me to become a counselor.
Me… 😳🥹
Less than a month later Liberty University called me saying they received an inquiry from me (I didn’t submit an inquiry 😅). I hadn’t told anyone I was considering going back to school. It was like a teeny tiny idea. But, they had me on the phone, we talked about my vision for the world, and they said “you’d be a perfect fit for our marriage and family therapy program”. Three months later I started my master’s program at Liberty University.
I was in a LOT of emotional pain back then. I knew I was called to do MORE with my life, but I didn’t know what, how, or when. God knew though. God made a way.
He always makes a way.
My 3.5 year master’s journey was also a self healing journey. All that healing took me out of our shabby home on an off ramp and brought me to the rural suburbs. My vibration increased as I healed and I attracted wealth. Not just money. But a priceless relationship – with my supervisor who is a sage of his own kind (and very very much reminds me of my spiritual teacher and my twin flame ❤️🔥). I attracted a neighborhood that is peaceful and safe. I also attracted A LOT of clients on the same journey as me. They made me the therapist I am today and I’m forever grateful 🥰
The purpose of ascension is to heal the consciousness and “ascend” closer to God and all that God is. You can achieve some levels of higher vibration without really knowing you’re doing it just by pursuing more. God’s wealth and abundance are limitless and if you desire more, you can remove the blocks to achieve whatever you want. This is what the “overnight success” story is… The intentional purification of your consciousness to align with your desires. Believing you deserve more and allowing yourself to receive it. 🦋
You and God are ONE. If you have a desire it’s because God gave it to you. (You have to think about this deeply, not surface-ly, God is not a vicious careless uncompassionate God).
This is why I was able to achieve what I did. Because I purified parts of my consciousness which drew me closer to God and this manifested in the 3D as new home, new town, new relationships, new opportunities.
But I held on to old parts which kept me conflicted, strained, stressed, depressed, small. And repeating some of the same patterns.
This applies to all relationships 💕
I’m now ascending ON PURPOSE. Which is a much more intense journey – the pruning and perfecting can be painful at times, especially when I resist feeling my feelings and letting go of old patterns.
In the past 180 days I’ve been intentionally purging my consciousness of everything that is out of alignment with God.
The most important part of this process is to understand Who God Is and let go of every belief and idea that isn’t God. I had a LOT of misaligned beliefs about God.. lots of rotten fruit to be shaken out of my tree so I could begin to bear more fruit.
This is the process of ascension, of making a full 180. You can do it too! We all belong in God’s kingdom. He has a very special plan and process for you, too 💖
I’ve been doing this work for 6 months and it’s time to fully release all the gunk and embrace all the good. Worthiness and unforgiveness kept me stuck in the old and as a result I was experiencing a LOT of contrast and negativity. Basically, the universe was screaming at me… LET IT GO KITTY!!!
I thought “let it go” meant let go of everything I want. Nope. It doesn’t. I’m done believing that lie.
Let it go means…
Let go of scarcity, poverty, lack.
Let go of guilt, shame, and condemnation.
Let go of self punishment.
Let go of powerlessness and smallness.
Let go of weakness, depression, sadness, anxiety, and worry.
Let go of my trauma story; let go of feeling unlovable.
Let go of willfulness, trying, pining, chasing, controlling.
Let go of emotional chaos and emotional immaturity, explosiveness, demandingness, emotional intensity.
Let go of provoking and passive aggressiveness and anger.
Let go of these immature patterns that aren’t serving me. These patterns are not of God. And now that I’m pursuing God with my whole heart, there’s no room for these things. If I try to hold on to them, even subconsciously, God will not allow it and I will experience negative consequences- and I have! This is God’s way of loving me, loving us.
Heaven on earth has boundaries, too. ❤️🔥
I’m still healing but I’ve made HUGE strides because of the healing, learning, and growing I’ve done in my ascension school and with my ascension coach at Twin Flames Universe.
Side note – if you still think it’s a cult or you think I can’t discern properly lol, that’s your own stuff and I encourage you to work through it using the mirror exercise AND read their media statement. That’s all I’m going to say about that because entertaining fear and doubt isn’t a game I’m playing anymore 🕊️ I’m intelligent, discerning, and very protective of my heart, mind, time, and resources. I had to work through doubt and fear too and stop projecting it onto other people ❤️ it’s safe to trust Love.
So, with that said! ❤️🔥🔥💖🥳🎉🎊🥂
And it’s time to celebrate my success. It’s time to celebrate my 180! 🦋
Through the help of my teachers, Jeff and Shaleia, my coach Michaila, my MAP practitioner Christie, the TFU community, and my ascension buddies, I have successfully…
Healed Complex PTSD and childhood sexual abuse trauma. Yes, it’s healed. 🦋
Divorced, grieved, and now live in peace with my exhusband. We coparent beautifully and naturally. We respect each other and coexist as friendly Divine children of God. 🦋
Made over 7k since January by purging unneeded items. I did this by valuing myself and thus, this energy went into my things. I see myself as valuable thus my stuff is valued 🦋
Unenmeshed myself emotionally and financially from my ex and I now manage my own finances. I am working on getting my own loans, housing, health insurance, etc. I am becoming an adult. This is probably one of the most humbling things to admit. I was completely dependent on Bryce. Towards the end I couldn’t make any decisions on my own. I didn’t even like to make a phone call. I now have freedom, my own resources, and 50% of weekends to myself to do what I want. If you’re a mom, you get how valuable this time is. Divorce has been an incredible gift! 🦋
I have restored multiple strained/estranged relationships. I’ve even talked to my dad a few times (we didn’t speak for 10 years). I don’t desire a close relationship with him because he’s not safe, but I feel at peace with our relationship. This is true for all my relationships, actually. I’ve completely lost contact with a few that were not healthy, I’ve established inner boundaries with ones I desire to keep in contact with, and I’ve acquired a whole community of unconditionally loving friends and people who truly want the best for me, who are also pursuing God with their whole heart. This is a very big deal to me. I’ve always wanted this. 🦋
And lastly, but not leastly, I’m healing my relationship with God, Jesus, and the church. 6 months ago I had a LOT of hurt and anger towards the church. I’ve felt my feelings and released the pain and upset. I understand that people only give what they know and understand. No one intentionally tried to hurt me. We all have a responsibility to “be above reproach” but most don’t really know what that means. And that’s okay. That’s their journey. They can only harm me if I allow them, and I did. And now, I’m not. I choose to see everyone as a divine child of God, on their own journey to Love. 🦋
I now understand that I am One with God. I am not separate from him. 🦋
I own all of my feelings and upsets. I’ve stopped projecting onto other people, I’ve stopped blaming others for my suffering. I’m responsible for my healing.
🦋
And, I’ve healed and continue to heal communication. My twin flame and I are not in communication and won’t be in physical communication as long as I’m harboring unforgiveness, anger, and acting from a place of emotional immaturity and explosiveness. I’ve healed and I’m healing passive aggressiveness, manipulation, coercion, willfulness, and the pattern where I provoke, control, demand, and become vitriolic. This is humbling to admit but it’s the truth. In my deepest darkest parts and pain, I have not been very loving or kind. I was this way to others because I was this way to myself. I choose to forgive myself, surrender this toxic pattern, and communicate with myself and others from a place of compassion, gentleness, grace, and Love.
I am no longer unloving to myself. Feels pretty good 🥰🦋
Scripture says over and over that we are forgiven. This is not something we will experience in heaven. We are already IN heaven if we choose to be. You get to choose whether you experience heaven or hell, right now.
I choose heaven. I am free. I am forgiven. I am a new creation! 🦋
I’m able to make a 180 because I realize now that I am in complete control of my life, my self. No one’s going to do it for me or even with me. I have lots and lots of support but because I’ve called in all of Me, my Divine Self, NO ONE is going to or has enabled me to stay small.
For this, I am eternally grateful.
Amen amen amen. I choose this. 🦋
Thank you for journeying with me. I’ve only just begun! 🦋
Ahhh it feels so good to be writing again! If I can tell y’all one thing: taking a quiet retreat with God, feeling your feelings and loving yourself through it- it pays off. I feel so much more peaceful, grounded, and clear. God wants us to be happy and content with him- he’s going to make that process very easy and enjoyable, especially if we allow it.
As I shared in Protected, Valentine’s Day brought an unexpected gift. I got a good clear look in the “mirror”.
(Ironically, that morning I broke an antique mirror- I feel like God was showing me that my reflection is changing with all this inner work I’ve been doing -yay!).
There were two things I could have done with this lesson. Try to ignore it, get mad, gaslight, throw a fit, blame, etc OR go inward. I chose the latter. Former me, child me, may have chosen the former but I’ve worked SO FUCKING HARD and come TOO FUCKING FAR to indulge in that ego shit. So, I swallowed the bitter medicine of loving discipline and got to work.
What came out of my retreat was quite a lot actually. ❤️🔥
The first lesson is that I was “throwing my pearls before swine”. I wrote about this over the summer so it’s pretty cool, pretty ‘God’, that it would circle back around. That’s how we learn after all… The lesson will continue to present itself until we’ve mastered it.
(Makes me think of this image from the Church of Union intro to their Sunday services.... This is how we grow... We circle back around and around and around again until we get to the core...which is purification.)
Now, don’t get me wrong. You all aren’t “swine”. Well… There may be some who float around who might be more swiney than others lol, but I genuinely believe that most people reading have good intentions.
Still, there are certain things that are meant to be kept private. And that’s what Valentine’s Day taught me. 🌹
I was giving myself away. I was giving alllll my good away. I was allowing anyone and everyone full access to all of me. Bad boundaries, Kitty 😬
Not everyone gets it. Not everyone needs to know. Not everyone deserves to know. Not everyone is safe and so therefore not everyone gets a pass onto our island. And, more importantly, there are some things that are SACRED and sweet and special. Meant to be kept between two people.
The past doesn’t really matter but, because I think it might be helpful, here’s what I learned about myself.
My “oops” (oversharing) was the result of a trauma response. I don’t mind talking about my childhood trauma. In fact, I often feel COMPELLED to talk about it. Now that it’s HEALED, that’s right, HEALED 🙌, I have so much more insight into the maladaptive coping skills I learned to survive.
The first skill I learned was silence. This happens to a lot of abused kids. What is the child brain supposed to do with abuse? No one ever sat me down and talked to me about safe touch. No one ever told me what to do if I felt uncomfortable, much less sexually abused. 90s parents were very much “hug your great uncles step cousin because I said so” types. Not at all like us 20s parents who sit with our kids and give them a step by step plan out of every potential uncomfortable situation lol.
I’m not upset anymore that I didn’t get that guidance and protection. MAP has helped me love those parts of me that felt unsafe, exposed, unprepared, and paralyzed. I now know how to use my very safe and loving Divine adult self to hold space for and love little Kitty.
Silence isn’t necessary anymore because I know I’m safe now. I’m a safe person to talk to, so she now comes to me and talks to me. She trusts that instead of whipping her, I’m going to LOVE her. I’m helping her have her voice.
My abuse was like Ursula, it took my voice. My pattern was like trying to make Eric fall in love with me without having a voice. My healing is like shattering the shell and getting my voice back. My twin flame is like Eric who will energetically (or literally, whatever works) hear my voice and be like “OMG it’s you!!! It’s been you the whole time!!!” ❤️🔥
It’s pretty cute that the new Little Mermaid is coming out soon… I love when God winks at me 🥰
Through this process God has helped me get really clear on what I should share and what I shouldn’t. My higher self, my Divine self, which is in direct communion with God, is always guiding me. I just have to listen. Listening is just a choice. I choose to listen. Good news is that Divine Kitty is pretty cool, I like her 🥰
The problem was that somewhere between 20 and 39, I found bits of my voice but because I was still in old trauma patterns I didn’t have my voice or sharing boundaries sorted out yet. 10 years of repressed abuse turned me into an anxious attacher.
This is what’s leaving me, I’ve learned. Like a 3yo throws a tantrum over something silly- they aren’t becoming the tantrum, they are transcending the upset.
Thank you GOD for the twin flame journey. This is why I write. This is why I’m a twin flame advocate now. I’m a believer because not only have I experienced the beautiful sweet deeply loving relationship that exists between twins, I’ve also experienced the massive triggering and upsets. Both are indicators that you’ve met your true twin. There are more and you need them all, along with God’s confirmation in your heart, to know who your twin flame is. If you’re interested, you can learn more about about true twin flame signs in this short video by my coach and her twin 🥰
Your twin flame can’t tolerate being in a relationship with an unhealed, traumatized, triggered version of you- the negative energy is too much to bear between twins because it’s literally multiplied. (Similar to unhealed parents trying to parent a triggered child… Lots of mutual triggering ending in chaos and pain).
True for twins, too.
As they say in AA, two sickies don’t make a wellie 😁
This is why a lot of unhealed twins have toxic experiences. Basically, if you choose the twin flame path, you choose to confront and heal all your hurts, hangups, and upsets. Thankfully this process is VERY simple. Not easy!!!!!!!!! But simple.
So, this awareness propelled me into my cave of fear- which is… being ALONE. Very very alone and powerless. God kept putting blocks in between me and all of my relationships so I could break this pattern of codependency. It was like for a period of time I was pretty much forgotten. It became very clear that God wanted me to just be with him and build a new solid foundation where I FROG 🐸.
Prior to this healing opportunity, the codependent anxious pattern manifested, especially with my twin flame, as neediness, helplessness, despair, flailing, dependency, chasing, obsession, and control.
Did I think I was doing these things? OF COURSE NOT. Lol. I was just operating the way I knew how to operate. During my Dark Night of the Soul, I realized that I learned codependency as a two year old. I had NO IDEA I was so deeply codependent. I’m a therapist! I thought I was goooood lol.
Turns out, your twin flame is designed to help you see all parts of yourself. Every twin flame experiences the same. exact. dynamic. (At this point, not believing twin flames are real is like believing the earth is flat. Lol. ALL the evidence is there. This is SCIENCE, not a theory.) In soul mate relationships most of us can avoid the ‘plank in our eye’ because soul mates aren’t perfect mirrors. Soul mates are created by God for good too, though! SMs are God’s way of gently loving us back to him. TFs are God’s fast track to ascension. You want your TF? Get ready to heal. If not, that’s okay! The system can run just fine on old programs.
This is how God works. And when you make such a huge choice, like choosing Harmonious Union with your twin flame (ultimately, with God), then God is going to help you transcend everything in the way of your divinity.
So, that’s what happened. My mirror soul showed me in the most loving perfect way that I was giving myself away, oversharing, anxiously attaching, and searching for love (validation, support, etc) outside of myself. I was trying to GET love, a pattern I’ve been in allllllll my life. I was doing this by sharing the deepest most intimate things with the world, with well, everyone– whoever would listen. And, a hard lesson I’ve learned over and over, often people just want the drama, the “tea”. They don’t actually care… Like I do.
This look in the mirror revealed that even with years of professional training, expertise, and healing I’ve done through learning and therapy, that at the core, I was still codependent. Of course I was. Our culture breeds codependency. Soul mate relationships ARE (always? not sure yet, I need to talk to God about this) codependent to some extent. I spent a lifetime, all lifetimes! before I found this work, functioning from a codependent place.
The fact that I’ve healed and transcended SO much as quickly as I have is a MIRACLE.
God is real. Love wins.
My healing is proof that God is real and that twin flames are real. There’s no other logical explanation.
I read somewhere that the difference between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment is that the anxious attacher will put it all out there hoping someone finds something about them worth loving. The avoidant attacher refuses to put anything out there for fear that if anyone sees anything they’ll risk being unloved or exposed.
Really all attachment trauma is rooted in separation from God and the way to heal it is by completely surrendering to God and allowing Him to love all those parts until your habits and patterns are broken and rebuilt into healthy patterns and habits. God is our perfect parent and in Truth, our only parent. He wants us to attach to him. This process is easy and simple. Ego death is what feels hard- letting go of everything that gets in the way of being fully completely loved by God ❤️ in truth, it doesn’t have to be hard. Choose for it to be easy and surrender to the process. 🥰
The past two months have been… Beautiful. Perfect. Exhausting. And yes, hard. Excruciating at times. Ego fights the hardest right before it dies. The timing was perfect though as I was already in trauma therapy (MAP) so I was able to work through all the “silence” (by not writing, sharing, talking etc) with my practitioner and ascension coach.
This quiet retreat with God not only healed me, it helped me get clear on what to share, who to share it with, and what is just absolutely sacred.
Childhood abuse taught me that I wasn’t sacred. That if my father could exploit me then why shouldn’t “whoever” have access to me. Really what I was searching for was healing. A safe place to put my heart.
This was the underlying intention of some of these blog posts. So, those that are like my diary or love letters or “inside thoughts” are now password protected. Only one person has the password. Only one person has access to those parts of my heart and soul.
And that’s just how it should be.
I didn’t know any better before so I choose to forgive myself for laying myself out there for everyone to see. I choose to believe that Romans 8:28 is true and that God will use my innocent vulnerability for my Good and his glory.
Now that I know different, I’m doing different. Isn’t that what growing up is all about after all?
I needed to take a break and get clear on some things.
I received the best gift on valentines day, a completely unexpected look in the mirror. 🌹
This helped me to reconsider some ways I was thinking about myself and my life… It challenged me to grow in ways that I wasn’t expecting. That’s what a twin flame is first… Your teacher ❤️🔥
I started my twin flame ascension journey in October. A significant part of this journey is education through awareness, which is imparted to me by my spiritual teachers, Jeff and Shaleia, and their students in recorded classes called Twin Flame Ascension School (TFAS) through Twin Flames Universe . (Shameless plug- hands down the best investment I’ve EVER made… And I don’t even “talk” to my twin flame!!!!!!!!! 🌹❤️🔥🌹). More on this another day 🥰
When I took the leap of faith into this twin flame community I had no idea!!!! it was an ascension journey. I just was DESPERATE to understand our relationship and the unique struggles we were having. NONE of my MFT training, biblical understanding, or life experience made ‘us’ make sense.
I. was. desperate.
In October I didn’t really even know what ascension was other than knowing that Jesus ascended and I think two others in the old testament did too. But the stories I was told were that they were on earth one moment and gone the next.
Growing up in a charismatic church, I was no stranger to the concept of rapture. As a child I can remember having thoughts and questions about rapture and the end times that no one really seemed to know how to answer.
I carried these thoughts and questions into adulthood and anytime I felt remotely comfortable in a religious space I’d poke around and start asking questions. Long story short, I never received satisfying answers. I began to just file rapture and end times under the “lean not on your own understanding” label.
But still… It stuck with me.
It stuck with me so much that 6-8 years ago or so… I thought rapture happened while I was at a women’s retreat! I’m serious!!! I woke up in the middle of the night to what sounded like an orchestra of trumpets!!! I jumped up, looked out the window, expecting to see Jesus rolling out of the clouds… He wasn’t.
I was a kid in the 90s and remember the day our local Christian radio station came on the air- WGRC. And that’s all we listened to. Christian music. So, naturally, there are a few old school songs that have stuck with me… Here’s a fav of mine, I still sing it almost every day!
So the lyrics are “behold he comes, riding on the clouds, shining like the sun, at the trumpets call”
I’m not sure if I got the idea of rapture from this song, from scripture or sermon, or from Kirk Cameron… But it is carved into my consciousness… Jesus is coming when the trumpets sound!!!!
(Funny side note …. I had posted a video of a recording in Spain or somewhere, also about 6-8 years ago, of a weird anomaly where the wind was blowing through this city in such a way that it was causing a loud trumpet sound! The video was sooo cool. I posted it with those Twila lyrics and a friend commented and said “trumpets or Trump-Pence?” 😱😳🤯 Needless to say, Jesus did not come rolling out of the clouds at the Trump-Pence call… But, it’s thought provoking, ay?)
There’s also this really cool scene in The Chosen, season 2 special episode where Mary is giving birth and Joseph looks out the window and the sky!!!!! OMG!!!! It’s glorious. A must watch series and brace yourself for this episode… So good.
I digress. So, I’m at this Christian women’s retreat, at a Mennonite Retreat Center, I mean, it’s just pure and perfect AF, and I wake up to this MASSIVE trumpet sound. I’m not talking about one trumpet. I’m talking like 12 days of Christmas trumpets, at least!!!! 🤣
So, nothing’s going on outside. Just stars and moon. I look over to my prayer warrior, spiritual mentor, for-sure-going-to-heaven friend, Gina… She’s asleep. I make sure her body is there and that she’s breathing because Left Behind got me all anxious worried I could mistake her just clothes for her body.
Okay so, she’s still there… But asleep. And I begin to wonder if I’m losing it. I’m too afraid and ashamed to go out of my room so I just crawl back into bed and pray myself back to sleep.
So next morning, everyone’s still there! Rapture indeed did not happen!
We go to breakfast and I start telling people my story, while laughing of course… I mean… I thought rapture happened. Some are hysterical, some look at me like I’m cray, I’m no stranger to embarrassment.
WELL PTL, one of the sweet Mennonite women heard me and while serving me breakfast said that this happens from time to time and I’m not the only one who’s heard it!
She tells me that it’s something about the way the wind blows through the (indoor) hallway, hits the storage of metal folding chairs, and makes a trumpet sound. Whew. I’m not losing my mind. LOL. Funny story.
So, this brings me back to my weird interest in rapture… The only word and reference I had for ascension.
Rapture was a mostly scary idea to me, even as a 33 year old. I think the Left Behind series messed a lot of us up 😳😬 thanks Kirk 😂
So, I suppose it’s a good thing that I didn’t know the twin flame thing I was getting into was a “rapture” journey because I might have been like ummmm no thanks, I’ll stay here with everyone else lol
So just in case you are like me and don’t know… Rapture and ascension? Not the same thing 🤣
So, now that I’ve been on this incredible journey for 5+ months, I now have a very deep understanding of this work and ascension. I feel like I can speak more confidently about it, about twin flames, and absolutely say with 100% certainty that this is a true spiritual journey into Christ consciousness and spiritual mastery.
I had no idea. But God did. And he heard my desperate cries for help and my heart and mind were/are open enough that he knew he could give me this work and I wouldn’t squander it.
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
In February I had just begun my trauma healing through Mind Alignment Process and I was in major upheaval. I talk about upheaval here, but I’ll probably circle back around as I’m now in my 10th week and I have gained such a huge understanding of well… A lot 🥰
It’s 4am and I should probably sleep… But here’s my plan….
There are three points I want to cover, or questions I want to answer, as I make my return-to-blogging debut.
1. What is ascension and what do twin flames have to do with it?
2. What I learned from looking in the mirror. 🪞
3. Why are some of my posts now password protected???
I’m going to write on these things over the next couple days. Until then, thanks for reading and thanks for sticking with me through the long haul 😘 it’s been 163 days since I began this internal journey and I’ve healed my childhood sexual abuse trauma, abandonment/attachment trauma, and I’m clearing codependency, fear, doubt, scarcity, and separation from my vibration.
It’s a freaking miracle. I’ve experienced a miracle.
Thank you God. Thank you Jeff&Shaleia, thank you to my coach and practitioner, and so many thanks to my ascension buddies. I couldn’t do this without this support. GOD IS SO GOOD y’all! And this is why I write. Because I want to give you the gift of love and healing that has been given to me 🥰
I’m becoming a new creation. Just like Jesus promised 🥰❤️🔥🥰
Something I’m learning on my spiritual journey is that only love is real. Only Unconditional Love exists. So… anything that doesn’t align with that is an illusion. Hurt, pain, sickness, death, fear, anger, judgement, etc etc etc… It’s all an illusion. Of course you can experience the illusion of these things. But this is why some people don’t get sick or don’t have the same fears. Because it’s not real. It’s why LOVE CONQUERS ALL. Because IT IS REAL.
This is why Jesus could heal and walk on water and ascended. Because he tore the veil between truth and lies. Between reality and illusion.
The church I grew up in (not the building but the theology) taught me that God is angry, judging me, and that I’m a deplorable sinner. That I must “carry my cross” and accept the “thorn in my side”. Even recently a pastor said to me that marriage is something we must “burden under”!!!
Wait… What?!?!?!
If God is love and God made me and God is perfect and can only make perfect things (right?!?!) Then I am perfect. I get the whole “fallen world” bit. Jesus paid it all so we wouldn’t have to suffer. So we wouldn’t have to be burdened. That’s the gift!!!! What’s the point of Jesus if we still live burdened or in captivity to our sin??? Did he pay it all or not? Is God perfect or not? Am I made in his image or not? A good God would not “burden” his children with marriage. That’s nonsense.
Jesus paid it all. Grace is free. We’re free. It wasn’t an affair. I was, it IS, LOVE 😘
I want to share a little story about how God’s grace really showed up during this 10-year journey since I met my twin flame.
After my twin flame and I met and ‘happened’ my pastor and therapist called it an affair and demonized us. No one would listen. I didn’t understand so I couldn’t make anyone else understand. I had so much guilt and shame over our connection and our love for each other and how that was expressed in the physical. It was beautiful and horrible. I felt so alive and so terrible. I was so in love and couldn’t have him.
If you’ve been here and have a conscience, you get it. I went on a 3-year journey of trying to understand how and why I found myself in an “affair”… It was SO out of character for me. During that time, God really revealed to me the true meaning of grace, which even though I grew up as a Bible thumping evangelical Christian, I had no idea what grace was until then. I did a lot of healing and God really showed up with so much love for me. Grace became my life source.
Today I was listening to the song Flawless by MercyMe and was reminded of a really sweet gift.
About 8 years ago, I was pregnant with my third child, a girl. During the pregnancy, this song, Flawless, was on the radio A LOT. I love singing it, it’s such a great song 💓
Every time it would get to the lyrics “Let me introduce you to Grace Grace, God’s grace”, I would be overwhelmed with emotion and the baby would start kicking and fluttering about.
I felt like angels were singing over me. 🥰
Fast forward to the day my daughter was born. We didn’t have a name picked out for her. All I knew was that her middle name would be Grace.
She was born on her great-grandfather’s birthday so we chose to name her Anna after his mother, her great great grandmother. About 12 hours after she was born, my mom asked ” What does the name Anna mean?” I didn’t know because we hadn’t considered it for her first name so we looked it up…
Well… It means Grace. 💫
Yeah, her name is Grace Grace! 😂😍💓
The first night we spent together she woke up to nurse and Flawless was playing in my head. At that moment God’s grace and love washed over me. I realized that God knew all along that her name would be “Grace Grace” and that’s why those lyrics filled me with so much emotion!
“Let me introduce you to Grace Grace, God’s grace”.
Back then I thought my daughter was a gift from God as part of my redemption story. It was my “reward” for choosing my marriage and doing everything that I could to heal from my “affair” and rebuild the marriage. I thought God showed me grace by giving me a perfect daughter because I made the “right” choice…
I no longer believe that. I do believe she is a gift of grace, but not because I earned her.
God loves me so he’s going to bless me no matter what. God loves me no matter what. There is no condemnation! There is NO SIN. It’s an ILLUSION.
It wasn’t an affair. We didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t hurt anyone. We didn’t hurt each other. I don’t have the power to hurt someone. We are eternal beings, made in God’s image. We can only experience the illusion of “hurt”. This is why when we THINK differently, we can make that pain go away.
I now KNOW that what happened between me and my twin was NOT an affair. In fact, I believe that I had an affair with my ex-husband! My spiritual teachers teach that having sex with anyone but your twin flame is like having sex with a sibling! Well, this made that whole relationship make sense….. 💀😂😅 I believe this truth is one of the HUGE reasons many couples don’t enjoy or stop enjoying intimacy/sex in relationships/marriage. Because hormones and the high only lasts so long. And your soul KNOWS you’re being intimate with a sibling 🤢
But the passion and romance between twins never fades. It’s why I still have feelings and desires ten years later! (And we didn’t even speak for the last 5 years!)
Twin Flame love is MAGIC ❤️🔥
I was married for 4 years when I met my twin (11 years ago). Even though I was already married to someone else, I always felt like I was betraying my twin, betraying us, by being in my marriage and doing married… things. I didn’t understand this because I thought I should have guilt because I was married and feeling desire for someone else. I didn’t have any guilt about my feelings about him until the “church” piled it on.
I never enjoyed doing married things. I’d pull away from touch, from hugs and kisses… I never initiated sex. I was irritable, annoyed, suicidal, in constant pain, lackluster, and just downright miserable. I thought something was wrong. with. me. Nothing I did made it better. And I TRIED.
I now understand that God gave me a living gift of Grace to show me how innocent and worthy of Love I am. I’m worthy of all my Good. I’m worthy of a marriage that is passionate and reciprocal and always growing, never stagnant. The ONLY relationship this is always possible with is your twin flame.
It’s not woowoo. It’s science. It works the same for EVERY twin flame. A method. A process. It’s God. You must have a close, intimate, safe, very personal relationship with God before you can be in Harmony with your twin.
My exhusband and I are smart, kind, committed, selfless, spiritual and loving people!!!!! We tried and tried. We used every resource, every method to heal and grow our relationship. It didn’t work because we’re not twin flames. It was destined to fail. And it did. When we made the decision to end it it fell apart, no problem. No drama.
My daughter is 7 now and the other day she said, unprompted, “I’m okay with you loving (my TF) because I already know him”. She was not even one the last time she saw him.
Her soul knows. My kids love him because HE IS ME!!! No introduction needed. No need to get to know him. If you know me, you already know him. 🥰
Final thoughts…
I don’t know if anyone else has boat loads of religious indoctrination and trauma, but, I want to confidently say that YOU ARE FLAWLESS.
You are perfect 💖
God’s Grace covers all.
And if you and your TF had an affair, I want to say —
IT WASN’T AN AFFAIR!!! 💥
There was always a grander, more beautiful, incredibly loving plan and reason for why he and I happened when we did. God is still revealing this to me, but I absolutely believe now that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn’t an affair. It was love, it IS love, and God is love. I’m free from all guilt, shame, and condemnation!
Because of grace, grace, God’s grace ❤️🔥
I’m so thankful for this journey, so thankful for my coach and spiritual teachers, I’m so thankful for my community. I’m finally home ❤️
Ugh like all things, I struggle to just SAY IT. I was on the fence about writing, or when I would. But a dear sweet friend of mine from way back in highschool (middle school but we weren’t friends… Yet!!!) sent me this shirt and the affirming message with it…
I hold back because I worry about everyone’s feelings, even my twin flame’s feelings… I don’t want to upset anyone or worse …upset myself lol! I worry worry worry and as a result I keep my mouth shut. 39 years of doing this has proven that it’s NOT working. I wanted to DIE being quiet. (Really it was just my truth wanted the silenced part of me to die, I didn’t literally want to die … just want to make that clear 😅)
This journey is SAVING MY LIFE. It’s bringing me back to life. It’s breathing life back into these dry bones. Like the lyrics from our song…
“You pick me up when I fall down You ring the bell before they count me out If I was drowning you would part the sea And risk your own life to rescue me”
I thought I needed my twin to rescue me but nope. It was God. He left the 99 and came after me… Stranded on the edge of a cliff, about to fall off 😅
Look at me… The G.O.A.T. 😂🔥
He caught me flying, flailing, desperately screaming and plopped me right in Twin Flame Ascension school.
I’m SO GRATEFUL!!!
This is my journey back to God, into a deeper more meaningful, whole, trusting relationship and why would I not share that?!
Also, say it with me…
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE ELSE’S FEELINGS!
Just mine.
Just me.
That’s all I’m responding for.
So if this upsets you, take it to God. And do the mirror exercise. Claim your healing and claim your good. That’s what God really wants for us ❤️
Soooo, stay tuned! I’m gonna share all the beautiful details of my incredible twin flame journey 🔥🔥
Oh, and adding a new signature in honor of my beautiful twin 🥰
Honest. Kind. Shine.
XxOoXXo. (Said with the voice of jack black from nacho libre.. Big hug…little hug…Big kiss…little kiss…two Big hugs…little kiss.)
Keturah Mae Shine 